They Call Me Ruthie...

Hello, Anxiety, my old friend...

2010-09-15T18:20:00.000-04:00

Mood: guess...

Alright, we all experience it. We all have different reasons for this way, but there's no denying it happens. I wouldn't say I have a disorder or anything, but I feel anxious often enough to want to blog about it.

Mine is usually triggered when I think about money, driving, exams, and awkward situations. Lately it's also triggered by certain songs, movies, and websites that remind me of the past. My symptoms include shortness of breath/not being able to take a full breath, feeling lightheaded, jitters, sweaty palms, and chills. Awesome, right?!

I don't think I'd ever felt this way until college. I don't think I was able to breathe correctly for the first month or two of freshman year. I went to the Health Center about it and they talked to me about the Counseling Center. I started seeing one of the therapists, and it was pretty helpful. Once I got comfortable at school (after about 2 months), I stopped going and things went back to normal. Occasionally I felt anxious, but not to that degree (a constant feeling of dread/worry).

I apologize for being a Debbie Downer and bringing this subject to the blog. I just started feeling anxious and thought, "Why not write it out of your system?" The way anxiety makes me feel is not fun. I hate what makes me feel this way. It really kind of makes me feel counter-productive (isn't it funny that i was "faux-productive" in my last post?).

Well, I feel better now. Not great, but better. Thanks for listening (reading? if anyone is reading this...). Much love.

wednesdays...

2010-09-15T14:55:00.000-04:00

Mood: faux-productive

I'm pretending to be productive by putting all my books on the coffee table. I'm hoping that they will just open themselves and transmit the information to my brain. The topic is pretty interesting (History of the French Language), but so is the Internet. I'm talking to my friend Rich about blogs and it's making me want to write. If I could start writing about interesting things, I would put my blog address on facebook and let people into my little blog world. Although, if people google me, I'm pretty sure my blog shows up.

I think I'm going to subscribe to a magazine. I don't really have time for magazines, because of all the reading I have to do for school; but magazines always make me feel better. Maybe it's because I usually get a magazine when I'm sick or depressed. Even though Cosmo always has the same advice (really, how many uses for ice during sex can they really come up with?), it's still a nice time waster.

~~

Just got the letter about the comps. I'm bugging out. I really hope I know my stuff :(

~~

Ok... enough blogging for today. Maybe next time I'll write about my dog.

Peace out, yo.

hey, can we talk?...

2010-09-13T23:31:00.000-04:00

Mood: ironic

Hey, Grad School, how are you? Good? That's good. Sorry that's a lot of "goods". You look good, have you lost weight? Sorry for that other "good". Oh, man... Well ok here's the thing... I think we need a break. I know it's been really great for us lately. We've been together now for about 3 years. God, I mean, I was still a teenager when we first met! Anyway, yeah, I've done really well with you- straight A's, 4.0, good stuff. I haven't strayed or anything. I have been loyal to you, even more than I was with my undergrad classes (I may have cheated once in a while. But not without reason. I just needed to feel better about myself and feel like I had control.). We've had some good times and had a lot of great experiences.

See, I think we need to spend some time apart. I just need some time to myself. Time to grow and figure out my life. I mean, I'm pretty lucky because I'm already halfway done with you; but I think it's time for me to grow up & get out there. Maybe I'll be ready for you again soon. I know you probably hate me right now, but you'll be ok. I don't blame you for hating me. I kind of deserve it, what with all this talk of abandoning you after investing all that time (and money) on you.

I'm sorry, Grad School. We'll talk again soon.

((i'm not really dropping out of school, just fyi. but i was thinking about it earlier today and decided to write out the break up speech i'd give to it... ya know, just in case))

another shameless crush post...

2010-08-19T02:16:00.000-04:00

Jason Sudeikis from SNL. Love him on SNL and as Floyd on 30 Rock.

Bam.

Photo from Wikipedia

Shameless.

I guess I'm into unconventionally attractive-in-a-dorky-way older guys lately.

Oh and also... Gilles Marini. (just... click... here). Let's just say his wife's a lucky lucky woman...

And finally, here is a link from People Magazine's website called 16 Sexy Chests to be Thankful For. Although, I am a sucker for forearms, I can appreciate a nice chest.

Alright, enough of my shameless crush posts. They're mostly for me (and any other single girl out there). Sorry to deter anyone. I make no promises about not posting blogs like this again, but it won't be frequent.

totally shameless post about my celebrity crushes...

2010-08-17T00:24:00.000-04:00

Mood: silly

i may be 22, but that doesn't mean that i can't have silly girly schoolgirl crushes on celebrities. granted my taste in men has changed since i was a teen (which was oh-so-many years ago), but the giddiness is what makes these crushes teen-like.

ok so i just watched an interview jennifer aniston and jason bateman did for moviephone and aol. it made me remember my celebrity crush on j.b.

photo from babble.com

jason bateman creeped me out in Juno, but once i started watching Arrested Development, i was back on the j.b. crush. love me some michael bluth.

then that made me think of how i also now have a crush on paul rudd, especially after seeing "i love you, man". he just makes me feel giggly.

photo from prettyboring.com

and remember that he was in Clueless! i forgot until toni and i watched it on the train ride back from the city. he was adorable.

that's all for now. just wanted to share and maybe see if anyone has any thoughts...

i need a little push...

2010-08-09T22:41:00.000-04:00

Mood: contemplative...

My room is a mess. Maybe it's a metaphor for my mind. There's a lot of crap up there in my noggin right now and it's getting a little frustrating. I just need to, like, expel everything and start over. Loans, car, school, messy room... it's just so awful.

I'm still trudging through Eat, Pray, Love. I really want to finish it before the movie comes out on Friday. I got a lot of reading done in the car ride to and from Massachusetts this weekend. I'm in the last part of the book. So far, I enjoyed the Italy portion best; but I felt like India was so long. It kind of felt too personal, as she was trying to describe her religious experiences. It felt almost invasive. But I'm almost done and I think I like this part. I like it more than the second part that's for sure...

Sorry, I started writing this thinking I had a lot to say; but I don't think that what I had in mind is worth it.

Okay here's something funny/interesting: When we went to pick up the dog from the vet, there was a cage with 5 kittens in the lobby. One was an orange tabby and the others were black. They were all named after different pastas, except the orange one was named "Meatball". There were Ravioli, Penne, Gnocci, and Elbows. I walked over to the cage and they all woke up from their kitty snoozes and got really excited to see someone paying attention to them. It was adorable. I loved looking at them. I wanted one, badly. But to be honest, I really only like kittens. Old cats are cranky, not frisky and cute. Plus, Mimi would NOT be okay with another animal in this house. Oh well, someday I'll have a cute dog named "Fondue" and s/he will be awesome.

Also seen at the vet was Kevin Rodriguez! What's funny is that I was just talking about him when my parents and I were talking about when I got my braces off and had to wear a retainer. Kevin said he couldn't understand me at play rehearsal so I stopped wearing my retainer... thanks Kevin! :) kidding, dude, i'm totally over it now- my teeth are fine! Thanks for taking care of my doggie this weekend (sorry she snapped at you!)

you've got a friend in me...

2010-07-05T16:55:00.001-04:00

Mood: in repair

I just went to see Toy Story 3 with my mom and let me tell you: the best movie I've seen in years. Not even exaggerating. It was so clever and funny and sweet (hm, sounds like the description of the perfect man! j/k... kind of...). I was trying really hard to avoid any spoilers, and I am so glad that I managed to do so! I was really nervous yesterday when my cousins were coming over because I thought they might spill the beans on the ending; but my aunt was good about reminding them not to ruin it for me and my mom (since we were seeing it the next day). I won't say much more about it, but I am really pleased with how it ended.

No matter what "You've Got a Friend in Me" will always make me tear up.

I won't keep talking about Toy Story because I really don't want to ruin it for anyone who might be reading this and wants to see it.

This past month has been truly difficult emotionally. I'm really trying to get my head and heart back together. My friends and family have been helping me in this process. It's difficult going from one extreme to the complete opposite. Having a strong support system has been extremely beneficial. Being back at camp and having the show has been good because it keeps my mind busy. When I don't have something keeping my mind active, my thoughts slip back into the dark and I physically feel ill and emotionally full of anguish. I wouldn't wish this feeling on anyone. Some people have told me that "just moving on" and "getting over it" will make me feel better and show that I am strong. But this isn't a competition and nobody is going to win or lose. This is all about being selfish. It's about being selfish on both sides. I'm trying to focus on myself and grow from this. I won't comment on the other side of this whole thing. Just know that I am going to be a better person. I've done what I needed to do. I'm going to back away and cover my tracks. But I will be a better person.

It's going to take a while before I'm whole again; but with the love and support of my family and friends, I'll make it through.

Alright enough with the emotional stuff! On to something lighter... well, sort of...

So there's this new show on ABC Family called "Huge". I'm pretty sure it's about a fat camp. I just saw an ad for it and it seems like it could be interesting. Nikki Blonsky from Hairspray is in it, and I really thought she made a good Tracy. It'll just be interesting to see what happens with the show. I'm hoping it will send positive messages. But with a title like "huge" and a nation full of cruel teenagers, who knows what'll happen.

Oh well, we all know the best depiction of fat camp will forever be Heavyweights. Here's a compilation of quotes from this hilarious film:

BUDDY!!

~~Much love

hang on, little tomato...

2010-06-22T01:36:00.003-04:00

Mood:grateful
I've got some pretty darn amazing friends. I feel so blessed to have such good people in my life. They're really helping me get through a tough time in my life, and I don't know how I will ever thank them.

Camp starts in one week. Thank the Lord. I've had a month to sit around and clean my room, try to read (still haven't made much progress on Eat, Pray, Love but I'm trying!!), catch up on movies/tv, spend time with my folks... but that's getting kind of old. I'm doing another summer show, so I get to see my drama dork friends from high school a few times a week. A bunch of us went to see Ricky play at a restaurant last Friday. He's so talented, I can't wait to see what he does with his life. The original piano man :) Good times.

I've started running/power walking. It's a really good way to work out stress and frustration. It's just time for me to focus on being the best person I can be, and for now, getting out and running seems like a good way to try to achieve that.

While I was cleaning my room yesterday, I found a note a friend had written to me while we were doing Cinderella in high school. The things she said to me were straight from the heart and they made me feel really hopeful that things will be okay someday. I wrote to her on FB and thanked her for her kind words. It's good to show appreciation for people who support you and have faith in your strength. Finding that note literally re-lit the light in my heart that had recently been blown out. Just a little spark, but I'm going to guard it and slowly add more tinder... then kindling... then fuel. And it will return to its blazing glory.

While on our power walk today, I was telling Toni that we need to believe that everything will work out because it will. We are not going to let ourselves fail and abandon our dreams. We will all be fine. I will finish my Masters, I will go to Paris, and I will be fine.

This blog is certainly growing up, isn't it?

Good night, all!

come to your senses...

2010-05-30T00:29:00.004-04:00

Mood:sad.

One week ago, I got my Bachelor's Degree! yay! Got a BA in French... cool... grad school in the Fall... working at camp for the summer...

While I'm happy to be home, I am going to miss the people I met at m'ville terribly... The connections you have with your home friends and your college friends are so different... Both cherished, but definitely different...

Growing up is tough... it is not easy... it is not clear or certain... but it is an adventure, that is certain.

I want to read a lot this summer, but I find myself easily distracted and unable to focus on the book I am trying to read. I wanted to start with the harry potter series, but I couldn't stay focused. now I'm trying to read eat, pray, love. I've gotten about 30 pages in, and so far, so good. I think I'm catching the end of the Oprah obsession with that book, so I don't feel like I'm a poser. It's actually quite good so far. And I'm excited for the movie- have to make sure I've finished the book in time for the movie.

I can't tell if I love Lady Gaga or if i don't love her. My mom and I were having a conversation about her while we were having pizza, Merlot, and prosecco at the Blu Fig in New City (SO good, and totally affordable- family-sized specialty pie costs $14, wine costs $5 a glass. awesome), we were having a conversation about Lady Gaga. It started when I made a reference to last week's Glee episode, and my mom said she hadn't seen it. In case you didn't know, last week's episode was all about Gaga (and Kiss- very cute). My mom doesn't get Lady Gaga. I don't really, either, but I tried to explain her whole "thing" to my mom over the Funghi pizza and a warm glass of merlot. I think Gaga is an artist who wears whatever she wants and is giving young people a way to express themselves. She's providing an example, albeit a bit zany, for people, blazing the freak trail, letting people know that self-expression is good. Now, to me, while she is a Diva, she care about her fans and really wants to spread the message of the acceptance of self-expression. I don't know why the fans are "Little Monsters", but they're out in full force. God bless 'em. Even after my explanation, my mom still didn't really get it ("I guess," she said with rolling eyes). But I got it.

here's one reason why I love Lady Gaga:

I sent this video to both of my cousins who are overseas (they're brothers, one is in Iraq and one is in Afghanistan). They'd both seen it, but they said they laughed a lot.

writing this blog made me feel a little better.

i'm now a bit late, but Happy Birthday Mark!

easily distracted...

2010-04-29T02:49:00.002-04:00

Mood:doubtful
hi. it's been a while, je sais, but I had a lot on my plate. actually there's a lot there right now, but I'm managing... and also i need a space to vent a little

I'm getting ready to graduate. and by "getting ready" i mean "totally ignoring/avoiding". is that normal? i want to resist this graduation more so than high school... maybe it's because i really like this life...

I was thinking about it today as i was traipsing across the quad to get to rehearsal... I stopped and looked at the castle under the 10pm stars and moon light and thought "I really don't want to stop living this life I'm living right now". don't get me wrong, I love being home with my family, but I'm living such a safe, structured "independent" life right now. i can do anything, but still feel like i have room for mistakes and surprises... in a few months that won't be the case at all.

I'll be back in my parents' house... does that mean i can't stay over at Paul's place (wherever that will be) when i want? will i have to ask permission to go out? I'm actually going to be an adult person living in my parents' home. obviously, it'll still be my home always, but how are things going to change for me as an adult child living at home? my brother does whatever he damn well pleases, and he's technically an "adult"... but I'll be a BA-holding 22-year-old person living as an adult with her parents.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it's going to be different. also because it's going to feel like permanent summer break in that I'm not going to go back and see my friends... because there will be no going back... what?

wait, what?? really?? after living with people 24/7 for the past 4 academic years, i have to leave them? think about it, when you live at school, you spend your time with your friends every day all the time! we eat, sleep, study, and play with our friends all the time. how could you not feel bonded to the people with whom you went to college? shit, man... i don't want to say goodbye yet...

je ne serai jamais prête...

Goodbye Haloscan...

2010-02-09T00:14:00.005-05:00

Mood: lazy and chubby.
awesome.

so haloscan is going down apparently so i'll have to figure out a way to save my favorite comments... and prepare myself for the switch to blogger commenting.... weird.

i'm supposed to be meeting with my adviser tomorrow/today at 3:30 to discuss my thesis... the thesis i said i would work on while on winter break... so i had two months to do work on it... and i didn't... other than buy one of the movies, i didn't do much... i just want to flash forward in time like 5 years and be happy with a job and an apartment somewhere... maybe some plants and a paulie... and a dog named fondue...

i'm going to go try to do work and then fall asleep... and then wake up and go to work... and maybe try to do thesis stuff while i'm at work... and then eat... and then go talk with my professor, who probably thinks i'm a fucking idiot...

cheers.
~~

So whoop-de-do and dickory dock...

2009-12-29T16:54:00.002-05:00

Mood: lazy
hello. it had been a while, hasn't it? i apologize. life's been crazy, i've been busy, blah, blah, blah. i'd like to start this thing up again while i'm winding down my college years... ugh i hate saying that. but some fun things have been and will be happening, so it's worth chronicling!

christmas was quite pleasant. my aunt and uncle came over with my 2 adorable cousins, and we had a blast eating delicious food made by my mom (i sort of helped, but not as much as on thanksgiving) and doing a yankee swap.

i just watched the end of "ellen"; she interviewed robert pattison of "twilight" fame (duh), who i can't decide whether or not is hot. i've been reading "breaking dawn" for the past couple of days. i would probably not suggest letting a pregnant woman read that shit. my plans for children are set for the distant future and this book makes me never want to have babies... well not really, but still. it's fun to read a silly book between semesters... i haven't had time to do any kind of hobby-like activity for weeks. right after i finished my last final, i practically ran back to my room to start knitting. and GOD it felt good!

oy i have a knitting addiction... at least it's a better addiction than drugs or porn or something...

um, the "news" show on after "ellen" is fucking retarded... and i rarely say that phrase... but it's fluff and stupid... i guess it's perfect for the demographics of ellen's audience...

oh god, it's literally making me sick... i think i'll go get a glass of wine and change the channel...

ok, that's better. these women are still idiots...

i think tonight might be the night to hit up my new blu-ray/dvd player :) i'm going to have to bundle up hardcore tonight with the wind. my room is like a meatlocker.

alright time for wine, more "breaking dawn", and cozy socks.

~~
HAPPY HOLIDAYS!

let the sunshine in...

2009-09-04T13:57:00.003-04:00

Mood:in need of a break already...
one week into senior year and i'm ready to tap out! i have tons of work to do this semester... plus more office hours... plus community service hours... should be an interesting few months...

so i bought the last ticket to go see "hair" through my school. i went to go see "wicked" without a friend, so i don't think it will be too weird. i'm going to have to buy tickets to another show for paul and i to go see, since i told him i would try to get tickets for us both to see "hair". i feel kind of guilty, but i will make it up to him (especially when i have more money to buy maybe better tickets!!)

my love for "the wizard of oz" has recently increased... not sure why... i wonder if it's a sign...

happy labor day, everyone!

avocado butter...

2009-08-21T23:20:00.002-04:00

Mood:lumpy
i'm watching the "good eats" episode about avocados... it makes me want to do all kinds of things with avocados... and try avocado ice cream... i imagine adam has more access to avocado products being out in san diego now...

i spent the summer in the woods, it seems... i worked at camp all summer, a day camp in the woods... i spent a few overnights in the woods during the seven weeks i spent at camp... it was nice...

and then this past week, my family went on vacation camping in vermont... there was no cell phone service, which drove me bananas... i felt so stupid about feeling so awful while being disconnected... i had to steal wireless from the coffeehouse because i didn't have cash, so i couldn't buy anything so i could legitimately use their "free" wi-fi... honestly, i make myself sick...

i'm moving back to school for the last time ever on sunday... it is my senior year... where the hell did the time go??? i can't even begin to think about it too much, otherwise i'll get emotional... and i'm trying to cut back on that... it feels like just yesterday i was dreading going to college... and now i'm afraid it's going to be over too quickly...

ok just saw a smokey the bear commercial and the tagline was "friends don't let friends become once upon a time".

so. true.

good night. i will try to blog more. no promises, just trying.

movie week!

2009-08-08T00:18:00.004-04:00

Mood:sleepy!

i've seen 2 movies this week! on wednesday i went to go see "harry potter and the half blood prince" with my brother... he already saw it, but agreed to see it again with me! such a nice surprise! we went to the mall and hung out for a bit before the movie- we kind of switched off between dragging each other to stores that the other would not like (i took him into old navy, he took me into spencer's)... but it was a lot of fun and very nice...

then tonight i went to see "julie & julia" with my mom :) that was very nice. it got so-so reviews, but i must say i truly enjoyed it. maybe it was because my mom and i were having a nice mother-daughter experience, or maybe it was because it was cool to be in a cinema full of older people who grew up watching julia child or learned how to cook from watching julia child's show. meryl streep was wonderful, as usual. she really is a phenomenal actress. i forget that i'm watching "meryl streep" and become engrossed in her characher. love her, she is fabulous. i liked the movie and had a delightful time with my mom!

one funny part of the evening- i saw two women with neck braces, one in the row behind us in the theater, and one waiting outside the movies after the movie was over. how weird is that? how many times do you see one person wearing a neck brace, let alone seeing two!

watching that movie made me want to blog, but i am so tired from being on-the-go for almost two weeks straight. why i am still awake when my body is screaming at me to go to sleep i do not know... but it's time for bed!

good night, friends!

blog reader...

2009-06-24T01:48:00.005-04:00

Mood: sleepy not sleepy
lately i've been stumbling upon random blogs and looking through their links to other blogs... these links send me to hilarious sites or pretty blogs... sometimes i'll forget about a place and then come back to it through another blog... in my late-night awake-ness, i find myself chuckling aloud... here are some blogs you may find amusing:

passive aggressive notes

the "blog" of "unnecessary" quotation marks

my very worst date

look at this fucking hipster

asleep on the subway

and awkward family photos

i hope those links all work!

in other news, "broadway at the movies" is going well... we choreographed "nicest kids in town" from "hairspray" tonight... it's going to be really cool :) i've forgotten how frigging hot it gets in the Rho building... you'd think after 3 years i'd get the idea, right? but the song sounds good and we're going to look fantastic

in immediate news: i just learned (from alton brown on "good eats") that spaghetti and ragu sauce are not eaten together in italy... must go there myself to find out if this is true... also now i really want spaghetti and meatballs...

i'm doing all sorts of things with this stupid html code... it's out of habit, but i don't know if it's necessary any more... whatever, i'll see when i post...

ok now i'm tired for real... paul said he would call me when he finishes his reading for the night... he has officially moved into an apartment in the city, about 5 minutes away from NYU... it's a nice little studio, just renovated... i helped him move some stuff in this past weekend... picture he and i crammed into a tiny elevator with a folded queen-sized mattress... good times... it's going to be hard finding time to/means of getting down to visit him this summer, but i'm really excited to explore The Village with him... and the time i don't get to be with him will be long and lonely (UGH! GROSS MUSHY BALONEY!! i know i know, i'm sorry... go here and commiserate: STFU Marrieds... we're not married, but it's just as icky)

ok... that's all for tonight... more sooner than later (maybe)

~~

Have you seen the well-to-do up and down Park Avenue...

2009-06-03T23:11:00.003-04:00

Mood: bored. bored stiff. this post is coming to you by request from adam. so i had a headache all day today. i woke up around 10am, already way earlier than i'd planned on waking up. i was woken up by a sound that was like running your finger around a wineglass. only it was really loud. i thought my ears were ringing, so i covered my ears. the sound went away. i knew joey was home from school, thought maybe he was messing with me, and got up to check it out. went to his room and asked "what the f*ck is that noise!?". he told me it was the indian point sirens being tested. it sucks that it woke me up, but i guess it was good because it means that it was loud enough to wake me up in case of an emergency. whatever, i had a headache. even after i took alieve, i still had a minor headache. it sucked. i am watching "the tonight show" right now. there is some guy sitting in the front row behind andy richter... he is very exuberant. i am also currently creating a netflix account that is free for one month. i will watch as many french movies as possible. gonna go focus, too much going on at once. hope you enjoyed this post, adam! ~~ EDIT: i don't know why this post wasn't posted when i originally wrote it! >:-0

let's discuss something...

2009-05-02T16:23:00.002-04:00

Mood:oddly relaxed?
so i've become a lazy blogger... i blame this on me being too busy this year and twitter... apologies to those who want something more...

let's discuss the fact that as of friday, i have one year until graduate college... i know that there are people graduating this year, but i'm scared as hell... i have one year of grad school after that, but then that's it... i'm in the real world... and it's terrifying... i just want to be 8 years old, running around barefoot playing in the stream at my old house...

finals are hell... i especially hate having to trudge to the library to study, which i did thursday night with my friend sam... we got there around 10:30pm and stayed until about 4:30am... it was sick and not in the sense that means "cool"... i wish i could just blink and have them done...

alas, i cannot, so it's back to studying for me... thanks for listening

~~

motivation: zero

2009-04-09T00:39:00.002-04:00

Mood:chilly
hiyo everyone! so since the last post, i have turned 21... it's weird to think that i am over one decade old... i feel a bit different... it's really funny to go out somewhere and order a drink and have to show proof that i'm 21... so far i have (legally) enjoyed a sex on the beach, a malibu and coke, a red raspberry martini, and a mojito (which spellcheck is telling me is wrong... it also says that "spellcheck" is wrong...)... all good fun...

in other news, i'm tired of being in school and would like it to be summer now, please and thank you

all i watch on youtube are clips from "whose line is it anyway"...

ok i've got to do some homework before bedtime... i miss everyone from home :-\

previously on lost...

2009-03-16T21:52:00.002-04:00

Mood:nostalgic
so here i am, after a long hiatus from tiarafooling... i'm here to update a bit... i'm busy with school, work, mville sound, family, friends, and paul... i'm pretty darn happy

last week i was in Disney World with Manhattanville Sound... we got there on Sunday and left on Saturday... we sang at Cosmic Ray's Starlight Cafe on Monday- it was fantastic... we were lifted up from underground, just like beyonce (i assume beyonce has risen from an underground stage...it went really well and Disney has asked us to come back next year, and they said they want to try to get us an outdoor venue, which would be sweet... hopefully we can figure out a different outfit because rolling up long sleeves to make a 3/4 shirt is uncomfortable in 85 degree weather...

Disney World was one of the best trips i have ever been on... ever... it was my first time being there and it was truly even more magical than i even imagined... i was fascinated with everything there, from the castle, to the innoventions at epcot; from the immitation judy garland handprints in hollywood studios, to the roaming elephants at animal kingdom... i discovered that "disney fire smell" and "disney water smell" actually exist... there is no gum on the ground and they don't sell gum in the stores... no litter... friendly workers... it was awesome... i waved at little girls in princess costumes, wishing so badly that they came in grown-up sizes...

i literally cried when i saw cinderella's castle for the first time... i was on the phone with my mom, so she started crying, too... it was just so pretty...

the one thing that made me scratch my head was seeing all the babies around the park, being carried around or pushed in carriages by their parents... those kids are not going to remember going to disney world... they're just not.. which kind of makes me think that the parents are just bringing the kids along on their trip... you can't bring them on rides, which means that one of you has to sit out and the other would have to go on a ride alone... what's the fun in that?... true story: one of the girls in my group said she met a woman who had her 17 DAY infant there... what the hell?! the kid hasn't even been alive for a month and you bring them to Disney World? why? honestly, can anyone explain the reasoning behind bringing your newborn to disney? i can't figure it out...

anyhoo... it was fantastic... i got a tan and a henna tattoo... great fun and good laughs...

oh and i deleted every picture i had taken from sunday until thursday afternoon by accident during the "beauty and the beast" show in hollywood studios... it was awful, i cried and called my mom and paul... but i made up for it by taking 357 more and i got to go back to every park anyway, so they're not as fun as the first few days, but they're still good... and i've got the memories in my mind...

the one thing i'm sad about was that i didn't get to see the nrhs drama production, making it the first time i wasn't either onstage or in the audience for a nrhs drama show since i was in 8th grade... i heard it was a great show, though, so congrats to the drama society!

ok well that post was a little haphazard, but i'll try to make them more frequent so they don't feel so crammed... does anyone check this any more, or has everyone given up on me?

~~

rachmaninov morning...

2008-10-28T13:32:00.003-04:00

Mood:thoughtful
so i haven't written in a long time. i'm sorry about that to those of you who still want to know what goes on in my life. it's been a busy semester.

we had a blackout at school on saturday... i was at a baking party with girls from sound and the lights started flickering and then darkness... the blackout lasted over 36 hours... they went out saturday at 8:30pm and came back monday at 11am... needless to say, we had no classes monday... and as a bonus, there were plenty of games and fun times...

my room is a mess... i guess not having a roommate really makes you less conscious about having a mess... if i lived with someone else, i would feel the need to clean more... but coming in a dropping my clothes on the floor doesn't bother me so much at first... then it becomes unbearable... it will become unbearable tomorrow night when i get back from my suitemate's birthday dinner... i'll have finished my project for my special ed class and i can clean my room without worrying so much about work to do...

i'm going to be an m&m for halloween... most of my suitemates, toni, and 2 other girls are in on it too... i'm the green one... because green is my favorite color... our costumes are jean skirts, tank tops of our color, white knee highs, white gloves, and silver headbands... easy and fun... the big party (200 nights) is actually on halloween this year, so it won't be confusing like last year's...

i just can't believe it's going to be november on saturday... where is this year going?!!?!

i went to a psychic fair last night and had my tarot cards read... most stuff was pretty good, some was accurate, and some was bothersome... whatever, it is what you make of it... i think i'm going to learn how to read cards... i do have the book after all...

did i tell everyone that i'm in an elvis band? i sing backup and since i'm being put on the contract, i'm going to get paid for gigs... paul plays sax, and he's the one who got me in, which was very nice of him (he and i will be together 7 months tomorrow, dating a while longer, but official for 7 months... i'm totally crazy about this guy :-D )... i have a few gigs coming up in november, but the one in december i want to get people to come see- it's in tarrytown :) that would be very cool

time to get back to schooling... i'm pissed about this project... it hasn't gone the way it should have, but whatever...

ps- go start using pandora, it's awesome

just dropping in...

2008-09-18T00:03:00.002-04:00

Mood:happy
it's been far too long... just wanted to say hello because i haven't posted since july... my bad, yo!

things of note: i'm a liberal. voting liberal. i don't care how perfect sarah palin's hair is. it's time for something other than an old whitey in the white house. ; i'm still very happy in my relationship ; my dorm room is finally looking more lived-in ; i'm going home on friday and i am SO happy ; i bought a nightgown tonight!

hooray! i miss everyone!

~~

fire dance...

2008-07-12T08:19:00.002-04:00

Mood:sore but happy
last night's BBQ went off without a hitch and it was wonderful... everyone finally got to meet paul, which was so great... he's a huge part of my life, as was everyone who could make it last night... there were lots of food, plenty of photos, and tons of funfun... thanks to those of you who came :)

i have not been a faithful blahger lately, which is a sign of a change in me i suppose... i do miss it sometimes, though, so maybe i'll post more often...

in other news, i injured my toe on thursday night during rehearsal... it hurts a little bit, but i'll survive...

cutting it short... i tried to open itunes and was told that i need to reinstall it... holy. shit.

i love you like a robot loves... hello dolly!...

2008-06-29T00:46:00.003-04:00

Mood:verry happy!
everyone needs to go see "WALL-E"... it was one of the best movies i have seen in recent years... definitely one of the best pixar films made so far... it's definitely up there with "toy story" and "finding nemo"... it kept me interested the entire time!!

and it was nice to finally see it with paul :) he found the trailer for this like 6 months ago... and we've been talking about it for so long that it was great to see it... we had a great day together- target is always a fun place to roam around and just look at stuff... and see bizarro people... always fun... as is dancing under the stars in the backyard... i could do that forever...

yo! just saw this video... breastfeeding at 8... what the fuck... i can't even bring myself to put the link here... just go to youtube and search it...

once my kids start teething, i'm out...

the times they are a-changing...

2008-06-18T23:56:00.003-04:00

Mood:tired...
ok, so i want to clear something up i was reading about online... guys: in terms of dating, do you mind doing things for your significant other? do you mind going out of your way to see them or making sure that you can accommodate them if their situation does not allow for certain things to be possible? and do you mind/like/enjoy making your girlfriend (or boyfriend... not sure who reads this) feel like a queen?...

and ladies, how do you feel about asking your significant other for things (favors)? do you feel like your boyfriend should give you things and do things for you all the time? should he bend over backwards to make you happy (and i'm not talking about in the bedroom because he should be able to do that there ;) kidding... kind of?)?

i really don't think that they guy should have to be subservient in the relationship... that's not to say that i think the woman should be the meek link... but i think that there should be a balance... i like having doors opened and chairs pulled out for me and the occasional gift here and there... but i feel uncomfortable about asking for favors... i'm the same way with my friends... i'm just not part of the school of relationship thought that says the guy should worship and tremble before the lady...

that's all i have to say... i'm just getting frustrated... so i get lost in "Lost"

sidenote: i think revlon had a good idea to make "custom creations"... it minimizes the amount of "stuff" that goes into the creation of a foundation (check out the story of stuff... i like the idea of it... even though i don't use foundation...

my oh my...

2008-06-03T23:10:00.002-04:00

Mood:ramma ramma
i've recently become addicted to ... if i haven't sent you links to their funny countdowns and lists, i sincerely apologize... it's a cleverly written site and i find something new to laugh at every time i visit...

i've also discovered the wonder of the ferry... i wish there were more times... like in the evening... it would make going to the city a hell of a lot easier...

broadway kids is going to be quite a show... so far so good, but we really only have one song down... but it's my biggest song so i'm ok with that for the moment :) i really want people from mville to come see the show... there's a whole other side of me they don't know that well... and i personally think it's my best side...

i want a hoyer's sundae right now... at 11:36pm... yup... a big fat vanilla soft serve with hot fudge and whipped cream and two cherries sundae from hoyer's... so good... i treated paul to his first hoyer's ice cream this week... it was a very norock experience :)

you'll meet him soon!

~~

there's no shame in being crazy...

2008-05-16T00:55:00.002-04:00

Mood:unwilling to sleep
have you ever gotten to the point during the night where you're like, "well, i'm awake and i don't want to be, but i can't bring myself to go to sleep"?... it's stupid that i should be feeling this way, seeing as i haven't done much of anything since i've settled back at home... i guess it could be explained as "the lazy person's exhaustion syndrome"... where you are so bored that you're very tired, but you are too lazy to go to sleep OR you want to find something to amuse yourself before you give up on making something out of your day... it's sad, really...

i've recently started watching "Lost"... i've been watching since about january- which was still re-runs... i'd watch it with a group of people who've been watching since the first season, so i'm way behind... but i think i'm catching on... however, tonight it was hard to watch it and follow along and try to make the connections without paul and his friends there to coach me through...

here's a random thought for discussion: does anyone else hate trying to talk on the phone unless there is complete/relative silence in the surrounding area? because i find it incredibly difficult to concentrate on a phone conversation when there's another noise going on... if i'm at my computer and i get a phone call, i have to mute the sound... same goes with the television... i also tend to leave crowded rooms if i'm on the phone...

this could be because my mom will ask me if i'm with other people if she hears background noise while i'm on the phone with her... she gets offended if i'm in a room with other people when she calls, even if she's the one who's called me and i'm already involved with something... this tendency could also be because i have never really been a fan of talking on the phone since a misunderstanding with a friend while having a conversation on the telephone back in 7th grade... long story

so i'm home for the summer and i am pretty sure i have a job at camp, but i need another one... because i am broke... aren't we all?... i've decided that once i get my first real life big person job, i'm going to put $25 a week aside for my nest egg...

i'm also going to read a buttload of books this summer. BOOYA!

~~

you make me happy to love someone...

2008-05-07T02:23:00.001-04:00

Mood:blissful
it feels nice to be ruthie again...

this is going to be a good summer

doo doo doo doo doo...

2008-04-20T22:11:00.002-04:00

Mood: strained
like peas... get it? neither do i...

so i have two weeks left in my second year of college... where did the time go?? this year has been full of classes and changes but i'm still here... which is good

this week will be ridiculous... i'm kind of more worried about this week than next week with finals...

nono, scratch that, i'm petrified... it's gonna be hellish... from papers to exams... to having to say goodbye to my friends... and figure out what my relationship is going to be doing...

ps- anyone who reads this and goes to NYU, you'll have an awesome grad student joining you next semester :)

i have a yoga final on wednesday... we have to do three poses, give the english name, the sanskrit name and three benefits... my three poses are going to be garuda asana ("eagle"), ananda balasana ("happy baby"), and halasana ("plough")... should be easy and maybe a little fun...

right... i'm stressed about the end of the semester and the work, therefore i'm going to be glad to be done with it and go home and be able to sleep and see my family and my dog and all my lovely wonderful friends from home... but i'm really going to miss most aspects of this past semester... i'll miss my friends here and the constant having something to do... but i'll also miss the seniors i've become friends with this year... they're a really cool group of people who remind me so much of my friends at home... and of course, there's this one guy i'll miss most of all... but he won't be too far next year...

i wish i still watched a tv show regularly

**COME SEE MVILLE SOUND PERFORM ON THURSDAY THE 24TH!**

~~

i'm only good at being young...

2008-04-01T09:28:00.003-04:00

Mood:foolish
i am twenty years old.

this is a freaky thing... i'm settling into it... it's only been a few hours, so i don't feel very old yet... but it's coming...

wow haha... well, hooray itis muh birthday...

not only that but as of tomorrow, i have one month left at school, which freaks me out for several reasons (i have tons of work between now and then, certain people are graduating and that will break my heart, and i will be halfway done with my college career)...

oh goodness...

well, it's going to be warmish today, my family is coming down to celebrate with me, and i'm feeling very happy lately... this should be fun...

~~

pomegranate white tea with acai...

2008-03-17T17:19:00.002-04:00

Mood:okie dokie
so after spending a week at home, i realize that i really love my friends from back home... they're really awesome people who know me, sometimes better than i know myself... i am so very grateful to have them in my life... i love and miss you all

what a beautiful day it was today... clear, bright, blue skies, the quad is just turning green again... i can't wait for the flowering trees to be in bloom again... manhattanville is absolutely gorgeous in the spring...

have you ever heard the song "gold in the air of summer" by kings of convenience? it's a very cool song, and it makes me think of driving down the beach road in rhode island... there are some songs that bring me right back to a specific moment or recall a certain memory... it's a crazy feeling...

so i was at the CVS yesterday before coming back to school and i realized that i didn't know what "CVS" stands for... so i wikipedia-ed that shit: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/CVS/pharmacy

that's all i got for now... i'll try to write more often, but this semester's been pretty much insane... stay tuned

this is sparta?...

2008-02-29T14:43:00.003-05:00

Mood:okay
if the post title is any hint at all... this is my 300th post on tiarafool! i can't believe it's been that long... i also can't believe i haven't written in this in over a month... it's been a crazy one, though, so you'll have to forgive me...

i'll take some time now to thank anyone who came to see "the vagina monologues"... it was great to have my friends there, it meant so much to me... made my experience that much more meaningful...

i have one more week of classes until spring break... i really can't wait to be home and sleep all day and eat real food and cuddle with my dog... like i said, this month's been hellish and i need this break badly

my radio show starts again next week!! i'm on from 3-4 on wednesday afternoons... the new building on campus opened and we have a new station with brand new equipment and everything... we even have a thing with sound effects... i'm so stoked... the link will be in my profile / away message every wednesday so you can listen to the show stream online!

that's all i got for now... i figured i should post at least once in february so i would have a "February 2008" section in the archives... and how funny that it's leap day?

two in one day and in less than one hour... HOLLER...

2008-01-16T17:05:00.001-05:00

Mood:evolved...
so gong and i were talking about life things and we started discussing evolution and stuff... which made me think of the other night's episode of "the colbert report"...

the guest was talking about evolution and how now some scientists are saying that we all started as fish and then evolved to monkeys and the to humans and colbert was like "what are humans going to be next?"...

and the guy said that we have become the masters of our own evolution... and that with new technology and medicine we can really alter whatever we want and we're going to adapt to the changes we make...

i agree with that... i really think that we have become the masters of our own destinies... think about it, they have come up with a way to allow people to choose their baby's eye color... and we have the ability to clone... we have airbags and vaccines, and treatments and bullet-proof vests... we're protecting ourselves like never before...

i don't know how much i like the idea of being the master of my own fate... but if it means i can choose to think whether i'm going to heaven or to hell, then i'm ok with that... and i'll see you on the bus...

how you make it sparkle and glow...

2008-01-16T16:42:00.000-05:00

Mood:relaxed
feel free to keep going with the game in the last post... i know it's kind of hard, but i tried to get songs people would know...

anyway... i moved back to school on sunday... it feels really good to be back... i love home, please understand, but i was sick almost all of break and being stuck in the house sans transportation and all that was pretty boring... plus i knew that going back this time would be great because i'm in a new room and i have friends this year...

classes have been pretty good so far... i'm going to be incredibly busy this semester and i actually kind of like that... i'm taking 21 credits, but they're all good classes: stephen sondheim (for fun and because i love him and the prof), french cinema (with the 1-credit extra class for majors), analysis of french text, advanced french conversation (the theme is aesthetics), fundamentals of schools and teaching, developmental psych: infancy-late childhood (love the prof already and love the subject), chorus (Mozart's Requiem... we're performing at Lincoln Center in April!), and Yoga (the instructor is a Rockette)...

i am able to see the sunset from my new room... me gusta... i missed being able to sit in my room and look out over the quad to the western sky and watch the colors change... the sun's setting now, and it looks lovely...

life is good right now... i'm sorry if i was a little distant over break... illness and other factors... the chances i did get to see people were delightful and everyone seems to be doing well... and that makes me happy... stay happy, it's a nice trend...

everybody play the game!...

2008-01-09T00:14:00.000-05:00

Mood:not tired
ok so here's a variation on the old song lyrics game... put iTunes on shuffle, write the first line in the lyrics for the first 25 songs that come up, leave a comment identifying the song (yes, you can put the title!), and i will update the progress by making the one's you've guessed bold... no cheating with google or whatever!... ready? set? GO!:

1. drove to the church in my suit and tie but i just couldn't bring myself to go inside

2. yesterday a child came out to wonder

3. Oh, the shark has pearly teeth, dear

4. last night i had a dream i found myself in a desert called cyberland

5. i've these dreams i'm walking home, home where it used to be

6. purpose: it's that little flame that lights a fire under your ass

7. Tommy used to work on the docks

8. you've got to pick up the pieces come on now sort you trash

9. take me down to the paradise city where the grass is green and the girls are pretty

10. oh listen sister, i love my mister man and i can't tell you why

11. here's my story, it's sad but true. it's about a girl that i once knew. she took my love and she ran it around... with every single guy in town

12. where are we? what the hell is going on? the dust has only just begun to fall

13. Zumbale el mambo pa' q mis gatas prendan los motores, que se preparen q lo q viene es pa q le den, duro!

14. when i wake up, well i know i'm gonna be i'm gonna be the man who wakes up next to you

15. He said I'm gonna buy this place and burn it down

16. sing about that woah love is a brittle madness, sing about it in all my sadness

17. Jojo was a man who thought he was a loner, but he knew it wouldn't last.

18. LBJ took the IRT down to 4th Street USA

19. Half a mile from the county fair and the rain keep pourin' down

20. All of your ways and all your thunder got me in a haze running for cover

21. i smell women, smell 'em in the air! think i'll drop me anchor in that harbor over there!

22. lay back, baby, and we'll do this right, there's blankets in back we can use

23. isn't it rich? are we a pair?

24. dress up a monkey in armani, he may seem precocious and cute

25. There's no combination of words I could put on the back of a postcard

ok now play please!

7 songs to make you sing...

2008-01-03T23:22:00.000-05:00

Mood:oldie
i did this a while ago, but it was fun... post 7 songs that you are currently obsessing over, no explanations necessary and not in any particular order, just list the songs:

1- "hallelujah"- rufus wainwright (that's the one i have, though i do like the jeff buckley version)

2- "this is for real"- motion city soundtrack

3- "the darkest space"- jason mraz

4- "hide and seek"- imogen heap (current ringtone)

5- "falling"- ben kweller

6- "up all day"- the choir practice

7- "sugar cane"- missy higgins

there are a few more i'm really digging, but these are the top 7 i'd say... i don't listen to the radio anymore... at leat not z100... i'm over the mainstream club-friendly music... i won't be super-pretentious and say that i hate pop, because i don't, i just don't like the stuff they play on popular radio... which is why i like listening to "the peak" (107.1 on your radio dial)... and also being a part of the radio station at school helps with discovering new music... the choir practice, for example, was a cd i picked out of the freebies bin and i actually enjoy it- they're like a semi-a capella group if that makes sense... the station also helped me discover my new love of motion city soundtrack, who i would like to hear more of... i like the honesty of their lyrics...

and what, dear friends, are your current song obsessions?

happy new year!

2008-01-01T20:48:00.000-05:00

Mood:sick!
hey! another year has gone by... wow... i have four more months of being a "teenager"... it's been quite a year indeed... many firsts... overall... it was a good year...

i am sick... i have had this stupid cold for days... i can't breathe right and my nose is raw from tissue usage... it's groooooss... vitamin c and tea and sleep...

new year's resolutions: *get on a better sleep schedule *stay connected with friends *get driver's license *eat better *keep room clean *speak french more often *listen to new music *see more classic movies

anyone else?

i can't believe a year went by so fast! (again!)

2007-12-18T17:44:00.000-05:00

Mood:nostalgic
Post the first sentence or two of the first post of every month in 2007. This is your year in review. ((ok due to my use of ellipses these are longer than 1-2 sentences))

january i'm trying to be more assertive...

february i cannot think about the next/last installment of Harry Potter...

march this is going to be a quick post, since i have class soon... i have an overnighter coming to stay tonight to saturday, and another one coming tomorrow... should be interesting to see things come kind of full circle...

april i don't know where to begin...

may so... today is the last day of my freshman year of college...

june yo i had a weird dream last night, but it was funny enough to be worthy of a blog post...

july last night i went to the fireworks at bowline and hung out with just about every reader of this blog :)

august so this is the first night i've had all to myself in a while...

september hey all... it's been a while since i posted i know, but college gets in the way of things... and so does a weekend at the beach...

october so i keep feeling like i'm a day ahead because mville decided to make monday classes be on tuesday this week to accomodate labor day weekend when we skipped monday classes all together...

november i really love jimmy eat world...

december so yes it snowed today in good ol'purchase...

it's been quite a year...

there's no place like home for the holidays...

2007-12-14T20:50:00.000-05:00

Mood:meh
i came home tonight for winter break... to be honest, i was not looking forward to going home just yet up until about a week ago... then i couldn't fcuking wait... so i am very glad to be on my home turf... feels good right now...

mville life was great this semester... much better than this time last year and last year as a whole... except the past week... finals + "hanging out" + crazy suitemates - my roommate = not pleasant... and it didn't help that a half an hour before my dad was coming to get me, katie called me and told me that she had just been called about getting the RA position... i am very happy for her (if you are reading this, katie, i truly am happy for you- you're going to be a great RA... but like i said, if you write me up, i might have to pull a cousin on ya... HEY-O!)... however... the timing was awful... and now i don't know who i'm going to be living with... not that i did last year, i mean, crap, i lived with a girl from the philippines, i think i can handle a random mviller... but i will miss katie terribly and hope that people will come visit me all the way over in tenney... even though it is the furthest away from everything on campus... but our school is like the size of a postage stamp, so people should get off their lazy arses and say hi to me and my new roommate, whoever she may be...

ok... enough of that, i'll be fine...

i would like to see as many people as i can while i am home for break... i would also like to get my license... i'm getting a haircut tomorrow... i am going to make my christmas list now...

let's play soon! everyone! yay!

hey it snowed!

2007-12-02T21:51:00.000-05:00

Mood:chilly
so yes it snowed today in good ol'purchase... i fell asleep and when i woke up and there was snow on the ground... i enjoy walks in the snow, when it's snowing... and when there's nobody else around... it's probably the most peaceful feeling i've felt...

life in ruthie-ville has been pretty good... for the most part classes are good, people have been mostly drama-free, and i've been hanging out with some different people... that's been a nice experience... today i had brunch with the ladies in the "vagina monologues"... they're a funny bunch of girls and i am so SO glad to be a part of that cast... i found out tonight what monologue i'm doing and i'm very pleased to say that i will be performing "Hair" and i am also a part of the group "They Beat The Girl Out Of My Boy" in which i will be woman 1... i really hope people will come and see it... i know that the idea of sitting in a theater listening to a bunch of women talking about vaginas is an awkward and uncomfortable idea, but it's honest, frank, and funny... and we're raising money for a great cause...

aaaanyway, i was reading the askmadden blog and it made me feel very... dumb? i am 19, i should be more involved in politics and all that... but i'm not... i don't know who i'm voting for, i don't know what anybody stands for... call me american...

i've been sleeping in rooms where the windows have been left open all night... i like bundling up and getting cozy in my bed it makes me very happy...

i'm looking forward to winter break...

shanks-giving

2007-11-22T11:06:00.000-05:00

Mood:pretty good
ok, well aside from the swelling in my throat, which i think is probably strep, i am feeling really good... last year i was told not to eat dairy... this year swallowing food is going to be horrendous, but it's ok... mashed potatoes and squash and pumpkin pie will go down easy...

today is thanksgiving, a day to express thanks for all the people and things in your life... so here's my mushy-gushy thanks:

*i am thankful for my family, who doesn't read this blog, which is totally fine with me... they're really great people and i love them a lot

*i am thankful for my friends, from home and from school... my home folks have always been supportive of me and have never let me forget who i really am... my mvillers have become some of my best friends and have helped me grow as a human... i am so very grateful for all that my friends have done for me...

*i am thankful for my dog, mimi... she is a little bitch, and she hates everyone who is not in my immediate family, but i love her because she greets me with such flourish every time i come home, and it makes me feel special...

happy thanksgiving to you all!

Get up, get up, dance on the ceiling...

2007-11-11T23:57:00.000-05:00

Mood:happy
i really love jimmy eat world... their new album is awesome...

aside from the strike on broadway which prevented me from finally going to see "wicked" on saturday, this weekend was sweet... i feel like it started on thursday, so i'll go from there:

*thursday: 2nd vagina monologues rehearsal... it was a really good one, the cast is bonding and everyone is very cool... i hope people come in february to come see it

*friday: first- acting was canceled, so i gained 2 hours of my life back; second- went to the shabbat dinner at the president's cottage and it was definitely the best meal i've had at mville; third- went to the opening hockey match at playland ice casino to watch the valiants win 3-1 over utica... it was the most fun i've had at a hockey game; fourth- went to a wmvl hosted 80s dance party... got to dress in my 80s best and dance like a crazy... best castle party ever

*saturday- find out "wicked" was canceled, which was not nice, but i went to the senior recitals of two ladies i'm acquainted with... they were very lovely... then hung out with katie, robert and nick and read "would you rather...?" questions online, which was hilarious, and then nick and i went back to my room to watch our dvds from our high school shows and reminisced about our respective glory days...

*sunday: slept in till about 1, went to brunch and stayed until 3... had really delicious hot chocolate with fresh whipped cream... then figured out my schedule for next semester... then had mville sound practice... then had a pub run with someone new, which was quite nice and i hope it happens again

i'll be home next weekend to hang out with my broseph, who has, in the last month, grown so that he is now taller than me... it's blowing my mind...hope you all are doing well!!

You can't be everything you want to be before your time...

2007-10-31T17:38:00.000-04:00

Mood:hot and cold
because it was just really hot in my room and not it's suddenly cold again...

sometimes i wish i could live my life through music... there are so many great songs out there... i've been listening to slower songs lately... most are sad and meaningful... i'm not sad, but i like feeling the emotions in the song... i'm not high right now, i swear...

but my current favorite song is "vienna" by billy joel... it's a lovely tune and the lyrics are poignant... i enjoy it...

i cleaned the bathroom today, because one of my suitemates basically told me (and katie) that i was a jerk for never cleaning the shower... ok, true, but i'm still allowed to be bitter about being called a jerk... the 4 of us agreed to share the burden by splitting the job by week... anyway i told her i would do it this week because i didn't offer to help this weekend.. um, hair is disgusting... probably more disgusting than mold... it was kind of fun because i was listening to all the new music i put on my computer from the rack while i was doing it... but i couldn't help but wish my campers were there to sweep and throw buckets of water into the shower... all i got was a lung-full of fantastik fumes and a face-full of scrubbing bubbles automatic shower cleaner solution...

i've decided that i'm either going to marry a rich man who will hire a maid, or have a bunch of children who will help clean... also, i'm going to start help my mom clean our house...

i feel like writing a really long post... so if you don't feel like reading it all, that's fine... i just have a lot to say i guess...

i'm taking a french cinema course next semester... it's 3 days a week, and two out of the three days are in english and one day is for french speakers... i'm also planning on taking intro to analysis of french texts... that way my minor (at least minor) will be done by the end of the spring semester... i'm also going to take fundamentals of education and start my major... should be interesting

you know who i want to be friends with? jason mraz... go read his new blog ... he is an interesting man... and i know that most of the people from back home already have a love for mraz, but the more i read his blogs the more i enjoy him...

note to self: do not have pomegranate izze... it tasted weird... even if the bottle is pretty and pomegranate juice is good, when it's fizzy it tastes bizarre... so don't drink too much of it...

that's all i got for now... happy halloween?... i'm confused because our halloween party was last friday, so my halloween spirit is done... :-/ meh...

i'm going to a)read for anthro b)start knitting a 3rd scarf c)facebook stalk... you tell me

it's that time again...

2007-10-18T23:53:00.000-04:00

Mood:fried
so i am ready to go home again... i know i was just there like 2 weeks ago... but, like the title of this post says, "it's that time again" for something stupid to happen and make ruthie want to get the hell out of dodge...

have you ever had a feeling that something is going to happen, but you don't know what it is... and it's not a good feeling? i've had this feeling for a while now, for a few weeks at least, and it's been making me really anxious... it's like i'm waiting for an event to happen... but i don't know what it's going to be...

ok that's all...

oh, i learned how to knit... guess what everyone is getting for christmas/hanukkah/solstice

i still miss you *all.

because you say it don't mean you mean it...

2007-10-10T20:14:00.000-04:00

Mood:okay
so i keep feeling like i'm a day ahead because mville decided to make monday classes be on tuesday this week to accomodate labor day weekend when we skipped monday classes all together... whatever, all i know is grey's is not on tonight when it should be because in my brain it is thursday night... aaanyway...

i'm in the middle of pulling an april fools' joke in october... i'm allowed...

i've decided that i'm going to be an education major and as of right now i'm thinking of teaching french... but before doing that i want to go to france and study there because it would be a really stupid idea to try and teach about a culture i've never been immersed in... so i'm going to france sometime in the future...

i don't have much else to say except that i enjoy discovering old music... it makes me feel like i actually have a taste for music and am capable of appreciating music... yeah...

i miss you.

~~

dirty hippie college girl...

2007-09-27T22:29:00.000-04:00

Mood:hippy-dippy?
so i've begun to think a lot more about life and my personal philosophies and such... is that how you spell the plural of "philosophy"?

also, even though it was like a massive acid trip, i enjoyed "across the universe" on some bizarre level... it made me want to be more free-thinking and peace-loving and in touch with how i feel about life... this probably sounds completely ludicris, but sometimes it takes something crazy to open your damn eyes...

i've also begun to re-think and re-work who i let myself become when i came to college... i really really like the person i was at the end of senior year... i know i can't just go back, and that makes me really sad, but i miss being able to be myself... i give a lot of that credit to my friends back home... i would love for all of you to come visit me sometime... adam and jenny came and it was really nice of them! i hope they had a good time and that they liked my friends here... it's weird having different groups meet, but it's a good thing... it let's you assess where you're at...

i scheduled an appointment with the head of the education department here at mville... i've pretty much decided that i need to go back to the original plan... at least somewhat... because now i want to teach french... bien!

the title of this post came from my current state of being... i am wearing ripped jeans which really ought to be washed, i've been wearing my immitation birkenstocks for like a week (because i have horrible scabs on my heels from these other shoes i wore recently), i haven't had the energy to shave in a few days (read: i haven't showered in two days), and i'm wearing a scarf on my head because my hair is kind of dirty...

so now i think my suitemate is out of the shower, so i'm going to jump on in and get clean... i'm sorry if you had the gross-ruthie picture in your brain for a bit... i was just trying to be honest, and i know you (the ones who read this) are people who remember who "ruthie" is and will accept me no matter how grungy i am...

interesting things you might want to comment on instead of the above part of the post: i know someone with scabies

love to you all

~~

shooting myself in the foot once again...

2007-09-20T21:59:00.000-04:00

Mood:content
herro everyone... i don't know who still reads, since comments have been slow lately... meh, if you read: thanks! if not... well then you're definitely not reading right now!

i'm doing well so far... classes are good... i'm thinking more and more about majoring in french... big change i know, but all this pressure to choose by the end of this semester is really daunting... so for now, that's what i'm thinking about...

i should start downloading music because there are so many people i've heard of through various friends and car rides and all that business... and i would like to enjoy them now, even if i'm a few years behind... like damien rice... or imogen heap... i like them a lot and would like to hear more... also, i like missy higgins, who, i'm not ashamed to admit, i found out about through myspace... and there are a bunch of cool artists on the rack in the radio station whose albums i need to get onto my computer stat... one band is called the coathangers; i played their song "nestle in my boobies" on my show this week and it was pretty fun/ny... so to sum that all up, i'm just getting tired of the stuff i've got and i need new music...

so just throwing this out there: i hate mixed signals and not being sure of someone else's feelings... it really sucks to sit around and wonder and contemplate telling the person how you feel or pursuing the person... my tendency with things like this is to just give up before i try... and that is no way to go about anything, much less the way to go about the realm of relationships and whatnot...

i read my xanga from 2003... boy was that embarassing... i was cringing at my desk, not gonna lie... some things i wrote about were so silly... but at the time i guess that was what was worth writing about... the time before real guy problems and school problems and friend problems... i like to think of those as the good old days...

growing up is scary and challenging, but so far, i'm in for the long haul.

here i am once again...

2007-09-05T09:46:00.000-04:00

Mood:tired
hey all... it's been a while since i posted i know, but college gets in the way of things... and so does a weekend at the beach...

so far sophomore year has gone well... i enjoy my classes for the most part... i'm really excited about acting for non-majors and american musical theater... i'm not going to end up majoring or minoring in theater, but getting my fix is pretty nice right now...

i'm also really excited to start stuff with manhattanville sound, the acapella group i'm in... we're planning on doing some great arrangements this semester... i'd love it if people could come and see our concerts and also maybe the chorus concert at the end of the semester... we're doing handel's messiah for the winter concert, which is going to be a challenge, but i'm looking forward to it...

my new favorite song is "i hear the bells" by mike doughty...

so classes and clubs are going well so far... friends are good, too, but there is some drama already arising, which i'm not to thrilled about... and once again, i'm not in the center of it... it's so frustrating and i won't go into it, but i'm making a concerted effort from now on to not be involved in the stupidity of said drama...

i miss my home friends already, but we'll see each other soon, i promise... good luck to all who are starting college this year, seniors of all ages, and those returning to the old grind...

~~

lest we forget...

2007-08-21T01:49:00.000-04:00

i'm leaving on a jetplane...

2007-08-11T16:16:00.000-04:00

Mood:anxious
so i'm going to be in new orleans from tomorrow (sunday) through monday the 20th doing habitat for humanity... i'm going through the duchesne center at manhattanville, which is the community service center at school... i have a scholarship from duchesne (doo-SHEN) which means i have to do 30 hours of community service per semester and do a reflection project each semester discussing my volunteer projects...

i got the invitation to go to new orleans back in july, and immediately knew it was something i had to do... i need to do something that will make a difference... doing habitat for humanity in new orleans to help those who lost everything in hurricane katrina is going to be life-changing... this is going to mean almost more than anything i've ever done... all that silliness about community service in high school was nothing compared to what i'm going to be doing... i'm excited...

but i'm really nervous at the same time... i have to fly down to new orleans alone... but i survived penn station, so i should be alright ;-P

i'll be back on the 20th, then going back to school on the 26th... if i don't get to see people before i go back, good luck and have fun :)

~~

to anyone who has ever driven me anywhere...

2007-08-05T15:43:00.000-04:00

Mood:embarrassed
um... yeah... my mom gave me a nice big ol' guilt trip over breakfast this morning... it all started when i told her some people from camp were getting together for dinner at the mall tonight, and i got an earful about how from now on, my top priority should be learning to drive... this should be placed over friends and having a social life... because having a license will lead to increasing my social life and going grocery shopping for my parents on sunday mornings... this continued all through breakfast...

and went on through the stop at the bank where i had to deposit my paychecks, which mom said i could be doing on my own if i had my license, and that everything i have to do, i always need her to drive me places "like a kindergartener"... we went to target and bed bath & beyond to pick up things i need for the new orleans trip... and there was no more discussion of driving from then on...

but i figured i'd take a post here to thank anyone who has ever given me a ride anywhere... i'm not going to give any explanation, because i don't want to make it seem like i'm fishing for "no ruthie, it's fine"s or anything like that... i'm just saying thank you for giving me a ride... or two... or three... or twenty...

i am eternally thankful... and sorry

on a complete sidenote: CONGRATULATIONS MARK ON YOUR 19!!!!!!

i got the sun in the morning and the moon at night...

2007-08-03T19:20:00.000-04:00

Mood:relaxed
so this is the first night i've had all to myself in a while... and all i've done is sit on my bum and watch television... it's been nice, but i know i have to clean my room and fold laundry and maybe be nice and do the dishes, too...

i love camp. hiking is awesome. i've done a bunch of new hikes or ones that i haven't been on since i was a wee camper... i feel good, like i'm in good shape, and like i'm exploring more of camp and harriman that i never thought about...

sometimes it's really nice to stop on the trail for water and just look around the woods... it's amazing... for 10 years, i've gone on the same trails and i don't think i've ever stopped to take my eyes off the ground while walking in the woods to take in the real beauty around me... it's amazing...

there was a bear at camp this morning. like maybe 50 feet away from my tent.

again, i love camp.

oily marks appear on walls...

2007-07-29T23:55:00.000-04:00

Mood:contemplative
my room won't stay clean... it just feels like every time i finish cleaning it, it gets messy again...

i was just channel surfing, and the palisades mall is on the sci-fi channel... something about mind control... meh...

i don't have anything profound to say, or any good fodder for discussion at the moment... i'll think of something eventually

i go to new orleans in 2 weeks

it's over now but it was grand, my dear, i understand...

2007-07-22T21:39:00.000-04:00

Mood:serene
so i won't write that much about harry potter until i'm sure everyone who reads this blog has read the book...

all i'll say is that it was a wonderful book and i will miss looking forward to new potter books very much...

mimi looks so freaking cute on the sofa right now, she's just lying on her side sleeping... i want to be her...

if you've never seen "man vs wild", 1)why the hell not? and 2)you need to see it stat... probably my favorite show... i like shows about survival and that stuff... i really enjoyed "frontier house" on pbs a few years ago... they also had a colonial house show... but people had to go and try to live like they did back in the pioneer times or colonial times... they had to wear the clothes (including glasses) and build houses and grow food and all that... i loved it... and i like man vs wild because it makes me think i could survive were i ever dropped out of a plane over a jungle in ecuador with only a water bottle and flint... plus bear grylls is delicious...

dun dun dundundun dun dun dun dun dundundun dun duuuuun...

2007-07-17T21:50:00.000-04:00

Mood:crazy
i'm crazy. deal.

so the title is obviously the harry potter movie theme song. i bet you're going to look back up at it and try to sing along with the "dun"'s aren't you? yeah, you are, and it's ok... i'm crazy, too

i don't want to talk or read about harry potter until after i've read the last book... i have no idea how i'm going to handle the end... my campers and i were discussing it while they made duct tape wallets in arts & crafts and i really didn't want to make any speculations... i want it all to be a surprise...

i'm also reading the 6th book again, since i only read it once and don't remember much of it anymore...

IF I'M GOING TO THE MIDNIGHT RELEASE AT THE MALL, I'M WEARING EARPLUGS AND A BLINDFOLD!... because i'm crazy and i think that someone will read the last page out loud...

c'mon everybody and snap your fingers now...

2007-07-11T23:59:00.000-04:00

Mood:anxious (the good kind)
quick post: broadway rocks opens tomorrow!!!!! the show has really come a long way, from being just a vision in barry's mind to being an actual show. i couldn't be happier to have been a part of this. even through the craziness and grouchy-ness, it's all been an incredible experience.

i'm very excited about people coming to see the show, including katie and robert (they finally get to see my home and meet my friends and mimi<3), dave (who i'll finally get to meet in person... again? haha), and people from camp, including campers:) it's always a thrill when people from different aspects of your life get to see another side of you that they may not have been aware of, do you think so?

ok sleep is a good thing, which is one thing i will love gaining back after this is over!

~~

And behind closed eyes, I cannot make them go away...

2007-07-04T23:24:00.000-04:00

Mood:sleepy
happy fourth of july, folks!

last night i went to the fireworks at bowline and hung out with just about every reader of this blog :) thanks mark for driving my brother and me, and to nici for letting us eat lots of chips and for providing the quote of the night: "so what do you think of the bear mountain fireworks now, ruthie!?"

classic.

so, yeah, let's talk about those fireworks at bowline... um, we got ashed... they were exploding literally over our heads... and the smoke was lingering in the air because of the humidity... i was actually having a good hair experience until the debris started landing on our heads...

it was really great to see the older drama crowd (which is how i refer to this group, by the way)...i took a look around while we were sitting around playing cards and making fun of the cheesey singer, and i thought about how much of an influence certain people have on your life... or maybe the word i'm looking for is "impact"... not sure, but i have to say that that group is swell... how's that for an old phrase?

today i celebrated the birth of the u-s-of-a with my family... gram came over and then later my aunt and uncle and cousins... i really enjoyed their company... i feel like my relationship with them is real unconditional love... i know my cousins look up to me, and i just adore them... sorry for gushing, but being with my family made me happy today :)

and so did all the fireworks going on in the neighborhood!

~~

just watch the fireworks...

2007-06-29T23:29:00.000-04:00

Mood:anxious yet content
haven't updated in a few days, so here's something i was thinking about tonight: the bear mountain fireworks, while a fun experience overall, were less than impressive... i enjoyed the display at bowline last year a lot... i don't know why i might have enjoyed them more than the bear mountain ones this year... now of course, only after going to see this year's fireworks at bowline can i make a final judgement on which display i prefer...

oh who the hell am i kidding?? i love fireworks... all the time, every time i see them, i turn into a wide-eyed little girl and just sit and revel in the color, lights, and sounds... and i love the smell... i enjoy the fireworks display we have at manhattanville after fall fest and after quad jam... those are always cool...

and tonight at bear mt, jen said something about how cool it would be to see fireworks from a plane... i thought about this at school during the quad jam fireworks, since there is an airport right near us and there are plane flying over us all the time... someday i'd like to be in a plane flying over a fireworks display

but first i have to have somewhere to go...

~~

your mouth is my umbrella now and i'm holding your tongue...

2007-06-23T23:09:00.000-04:00

Mood:aggrivated...
i don't know why i bother opening my mouth to offer discussion sometimes... whatever comes out is either awkward or just comes back to slap me in the face...

anyone else ever wish they just constantly had their foot shoved in their mouth?

i watched "annie hall" tonight with my mom... it was really good... i would like to see more woody allen films...

camp will give me something to do...

and mville is only 2 months away...

i'm very much aware of the madness as you talk...

2007-06-15T21:37:00.000-04:00

Mood:pretty good
so i had a nice little NYC/Long Island excursion from sunday to wednesday... it was a fun/crazy/hectic/incredible experience... colbert was totally awesome... he's such a freaking genius... i got made fun of by the warm-up comedian, which was hilarious... he hugged me and made a comment about my boobs... it was funny...

here's a picture of the people who were in our colbert group, minus amanda and robert's brother nick... from l to r it's katie (my future roommate), robert, myself, nick c., rich, and sam:

i would like to give myself a pat on the back for surviving public transportation... i almost had a panic attack when i was in penn station coming home on wednesday, but i got help and found my train...

i'm really excited about doing "broadway rocks!"... people are being more consistant and we're getting more done at rehearsals... it's still crazy and unorganized, but it's fun... i hope everyone comes... yes, everyone...

ummm... i don't have much else to write... soo... yeah... awkward...

i have so much to live for!...

2007-06-08T14:51:00.000-04:00

Mood:happy
ok here are just a few things i am looking forward to in the next two months:

going to long island to see katie before we go to "the colbert report" in the city with some of my mvillers next week!... i love my friends at home, but i miss my crazy people from school, so it will be so great to see them... and seeing stephen colbert in person...

then camp starts the last week of june... i'm so excited to start up again... bring on the mountains!

then on July 7th (7/7/07) is my friend gabby's wedding at fordham!... we worked at camp together for a couple years (last year, i was technically her supervisor, but she helped me muchos!), and she was a counselor when i was still a camper... she's marrying her high school (actually middle school!) sweetheart :) i'm so excited for them

then there's BROADWAY ROCKS! july 12, 13, 14, in case you didn't know... it's going to be so awesome, i'm totally pumped... everyone in the show is truly talented and brings something so wonderful to the entire show... i am looking forward to being onstage again... and katie said that she and robert were coming to see it, so now i'm really excited!!

so, yeah i have a lot to look forward to and be excited for! it's nice to have that feeling :)

godless killing machines...

2007-06-02T13:07:00.000-04:00

Mood:perplexed
yo i had a weird dream last night, but it was funny enough to be worthy of a blog post

so in the dream, i met this engaged couple while they were being interviewed in some bathroom, in which the toilet was broken, and had been replaced with plastic bags... the bride-to-be said something about hating people dressed as animals, especially bears...

so my friends (i don't know who they were... some made-up dream people) and i dressed in bear suits, and hid in the trees near the field where the wedding was being held... at this point, i wasn't a part of the dream, but i was watching it like "ruthie" was in a movie...

anyway, i didn't realize that it was my friend and me, i thought it was an actual bear, until we took off our bear suits, and saw that it was us... the bride started going crazy and started running after us, screaming about how dare we ruin her wedding with bear suits...

according to my dream book: *wedding: "A wedding may symbolize the union of the male and female aspects of personality or a union of life's creative forces- reason and fantasy, matter and spirit."

*fur: "Freudians do not hesitate to see in fur a clear symbol of pubic hair. Dreamers who envision themselves envelopped in the comforting warmth of a fur garment may be yearning for an impossible return to the total security of life in the womb". ((so what does shedding the fur mean?))

*being chased: "In cases of extreme anxiety, a dreamin which we are being chased could point to feelings of paranoia or persecution that may be pushing us toward the edge; more generally such a dream may stand for certain unpalatable aspects of our personality which are usually repressed but demand to be dealt with."
*bears: ((from a website)) "bears symbolize the cycle of life and death and renewal. It may signal of period of introspection and thinking. The dream may also be a pun on "bare". Perhaps you need to bare your soul and let everything out into the open."

so i'll take from that what i want... i haven't analyzed a dream in a while... it should be interesting to see how rusty i am now...

~~

touch me! it's so eeeeeeasy to leave me!

2007-05-28T13:09:00.000-04:00

Mood:lazy
there are probably a bunch of other things i could be doing right now... it's gorgeous out... i think after i'm done messing around online, i'm going to take one of my unfinished books and read outside... on my blanket, like we do at school

i think on firefox, the spacing of my posts is weird... it won't separater paragraphs anymore... what gives, yo? whatevs...

i was listening to my ipod the other day and realized that i prefer male singers to female singers... i have more male singers in my music library than females... i was trying to figure out why this was so and i came up with a few possible reasons:

1- being a singer of sorts, i may be jealous of those women with better voices than mine

2- having had some vocal training and friends with vocal training, i am more nitpicky with female singers

3- male voices impress me because i think they endure a more drastic change in pitch than female voices

ok so i only came up with three, but there are more in my head that i can't really put into words... meh

oh, so for those of you playing along at home, i got my permit a couple weeks ago, and my actual ID came in the mail over the weekend (when i was camping with toni and the boys, which was a blast!!)... so i now have proof of who i am! official state-issued proof! sweet!

boy do i love queen!

i want to throw another summer bbq...

~~

ps- does gong read this anymore?

too many songs playing in my head...

2007-05-23T23:39:00.000-04:00

Mood:excited!
camping is soon! i am really looking forward to it!

blogger just autosaved that last sentence... thanks blogger!

my back kind of hurts... and i need to read more (yes, mark, we are talking about that right now on aim)... i have a few books i want to read over the summer (not including harry potter): east of eden, wicked, my antonia, the wind in the willows... i've actually started all of these and just need to chug through them... i'd also like to read the great gatsby because i hear it's good... i miss reading for pleasure... anyone else?

and did anyone else really not give a crap about "american idol" this season? seriously, i was more excited about "dancing with the stars"... i didn't have a favorite out of blake or jordin but i was torn between joey fatone and apollo anton ohno... but AI was too boring for me... and did anyone else think it weird that they sang a medley from "sgt. pepper's lonely hearts club band"? i found it bizarre... don't get me wrong, SPLHCB is probably my favorite Beatles album, but why did they have past idols singing "she's leaving home" and "a day in the life" (and lennon's depressing half, not mccartney's slightly happier half)... it was weird and i'm glad it's over

ok time for bed... i miss blogging, let's jump back on it, ok?

there's moon sand on the kitchen table...

2007-05-14T23:38:00.000-04:00

Mood:cranky
i'm not really cranky now, but i was earlier... because my mom woke me up before i was ready to wake up... she did this by calling me... it was not fun... plus, i was having a completely bizarre dream, so i was frustrated when i woke up... then i felt like crap all day and got nothing accomplished... GAH (angry)!

so, i really want to do this "broadway rocks" show that barry is putting together... it would be so awesome to do something musical theater-y again, so i'm pumped!!

i saw "les miserables" on friday with my mom... it was really fantastic... the cast was amazing... lea solanga was fantine- she was incredible... and gary beach was thenardier- he was in "the producers" (in the movie he was the gay director)... even the cosette was great (even though her voice was a little shrill- i guess i always have an opinion on the cosette in any production of "les mis" *ahem*)... ANYWAY, it was amazing... mom and i went to sardi's before for dinner... the food was okay, but it was fun to see the famous characatures (sp?)... we sat under billy crystal's drawing...

mom and i listened to les mis on the way into the city, then saw the show, then watched the tape of our production the next day... i have had random bits of the score lodged in my ears for days now... i love that show and all, but it's getting a little annoying!

anyway, it made me miss the golden ole days of doing drama... *le sigh*

i wish people would get home from school already!!

funny how things turn out...

2007-05-10T22:43:00.000-04:00

Mood:excited, confused, and tired
i hate saying that i'm going to act one way, and then not... or predict feeling a certain way and then not feeling that way, but feeling another way and then getting mad at something that i shouldn't be getting mad at... how's that for ambiguity?

i'm home from school, have been since saturday, and cannot wait to see people from home... seriously, sitting around the house watching bits and pieces of movies on hbo and eating everything in the fridge is no way to spend summer vacation...

i really don't have much else to say... how excited are you guys for "harry potter and the deathly hallows"? i'm kind of dreading it myself...

~~

your palms are sweaty, and i'm barely listening...

2007-05-04T09:00:00.000-04:00

Mood:sad/happy it, ju
so... today is the last day of my freshman year of college... i go home tomorrow... where did the time go?

remember how sad i was coming to college? i was depressed. seriously. i didn't want to be here, i missed home: my family and my friends and my dog... it was awful...

i find it safe to say that i will be feeling similar feelings once i leave school tomorrow...

i wish i could take my friends from here at school back home with me in my pocket... to have around at home so you could all meet... i found something in each person i became good friends with here at school that i found familiar... i think some of you would mesh well...

it seems pointless to wax on about my mville friends on here, seeing as none of them read it hahaha...

so i think there's some kind of tent being put up on the quad right now... it woke me up, hence the reason why i am up at 9:22 AM... that and i still have one essay to do... gasp!... i wish i could say i'm never going to procrastinate again, but that is a big fat lie...

i'm going to jump on that paper and then spend every second i can with my friends here before i won't see most of them for the next four months...

especially katie, duh!

~~

procrastination makes it happen...

2007-04-23T11:03:00.000-04:00

Mood:feverish
SPRING feverish!!

gah! it is so nice out, this weekend was gorgeous, and now i have to do muchos papers... i know i am not alone in worrying about finishing work and papers... what the heck, man...

it feels like i have so much more work to do at the end of this semester as opposed to last semester... i don't get it... i had some finals last semester, but everything was in-class... that was because the school did away with its finals week... but it's back this semester and i have one "final exam" scheduled and that's calcII... it's not actually a cumulative final so much as a last exam that will cover the material since the last exam... oh, p.s.- i have a D in calc II right now... i haven't told my parents... but they don't need to know, right? and it's a low D... like 70.98... um, i don't know how i feel about that, since i've never had anything below an A- in a class ever in my life... that sounds cocky, but it's true... and it freaks me out... meh

ok, so i had a conversation with adam about this a while ago and i thought it was interesting... you know how we use "meh" and "gah" and other onomotopeic words online? well, we use them offline, too... at least i do... i know that "meh" is taken to mean "whatever", but let me explain "gah" to those of you who still read... my definitions of "gah" are many... it can be used to express frustration (i.e. "i really like this guy but his ex is making it hard for us to be together... gah!!")... i also use it to express gladness ("i am so excited about being accepted into the a capella group! gah!!")... so, "gah" can be used in a positive or negative sense, when actual words fail to express the emotion at hand...

i end with a list of things... i don't know what kind of things... things that are good right now, things that are bad, and things in general: *i like the gin blossoms and would like to get some of their music. they played at quad jam and they were pretty sweet. *my blinds would not get opened if i didn't open them myself. *i am excited about the end of school coming in 2 weeks. *i am dreading the end of school in 2 weeks. *i am procrastinating writing a theater review for my writing seminar. *my writing seminar professor is wacky but very cool. *i want to be in a musical very badly. *i wish my room would clean itself. *my dorm room is starting to look like my room at home. *my mom wants me to call home all the time. *i am having a milk & cereal bar because i missed breakfast. *i have only had breakfast 5 times this semester. *did you read this whole list?

aaaaaaaaaaaaand now i do work.

um, hey. by the way, i miss all of you folks. a lot. as much as i don't want to leave my friends and more here at school, i cannot wait to see you.

you can be as loud as the hell you want (when you're making love)...

2007-04-16T10:22:00.000-04:00

Mood:quizzy
i know it's annoying, but i enjoy how these things turn out sometimes... i might even end up with a good playlist!

NSTRUCTIONS 1. Put your music player on shuffle. 2. Press forward for each question. 3. Use the song title as the answer to the question even if it doesn't make sense. NO CHEATING!

HOW DO YOU FEEL TODAY? the heart of saturday night - diana krall

WHAT'S YOUR OUTLOOK ON LIFE? better- jason mraz

WHAT DOES YOUR FAMILY THINK OF YOU? is that you, mo-dean? - the b-52's

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU? un giorno pour noi- josh groban

WHAT DO STRANGERS THINK OF YOU? extraordinary girl - green day

WHAT DO YOUR EXES THINK OF YOU? slow dancing in a burning room - john mayer (GAH!)

HOW WILL YOUR LOVE LIFE BE IN THE FUTURE? existentialism on prom night- straylight run

WILL YOU GET MARRIED IN THE FUTURE? you're still you- josh groban

WILL YOU HAVE KIDS? eight days a week- the beatles

ARE YOU GOOD AT SCHOOL? space- jer coons (haha that's funny b/c he goes to mville)

WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY ON YOUR BIRTHDAY? lovely ladies- les mis

WHAT SONG SHOULD THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL? walk-don't run '64- the ventures (an instrumental surf rock song? well alright)

THE SOUNDTRACK OF YOUR LIFE: let the sunshine in- hair

YOU AND YOUR BEST FRIEND ARE: poem to a horse - shakira

HAPPY TIMES: shake your bon-bon - ricky martin ("up in the himalaya/come on i wanna lay ya"... yes.)

SAD TIMES: common pleasure - jason mraz (huh?)

EVERY DAY: politik - coldplay

FOR TOMORROW: stab city - as tall as lions

FOR YOU: long, long, long - the beatles

WHAT DOES NEXT YEAR HAVE IN STORE FOR YOU? two of us - amiee mann & michael penn (cover) (aw that's sweet)

WHAT DO I SAY WHEN LIFE GETS TOO HARD? drink with me - les mis (hahahahahahahaahahahaha oh lord)

WHAT SONG WILL I DANCE TO AT MY WEDDING? a dream is a wish your heart makes- cinderella (this was played at my parents' wedding i'm not even kidding)

WHAT DO YOU WANT AS A CAREER? older lover, under cover - jason mraz

YOUR FAVOURITE SAYING? chariot - gavin degraw ("the sun was just yellow energy")

HOW WILL I DIE? neighborhood #3 (power out)- the arcade fire

THE SONG THAT YOU'LL PUT AS YOUR SUBJECT? you can be as loud as the hell you want (when you're making love)- avenue q

guess i'll circle while i'm waiting for my fuse to dry...

2007-04-13T16:39:00.000-04:00

Mood:content
so i'm posting quickly because gong noted that i don't post a whole lot any more... i guess facebook and the rest of college life has taken it's place... which is sad, in a way, i guess... it means that i'm finally comfortable enough here to not sit at my computer all the time... i've just had other things on my mind, i suppose...

oh! i got into a super-select women's a capella group here at mville!! it's called "manhattanville sound" and it's the one i didn't get into last semester... but they just held auditions again and my friend and i both got callbacks and made it into the group... i'm pretty psyched... it's a really involed group, they perform at just about every major even here and they went to disney this spring break... so i guess i'll be following in the footsteps of joefi and lizmo in doing the a capella thing :) i can't wait to get really involved in this... one of the co-presidents was saying how she was in drama club in high school and hasn't been involved in theater in college, but being in mville sound has been a great opportunity to sing often... they sometimes have rehearsals 7 hours a week... i'm pumped!!!!!!!!!!

ok i'm going to take a nap because i'm exhausted after last night's fire drill at 2AM, didn't get to sleep until 4, and then was woken up again at about 9 by the fire alarm, but it went off quickly and then off again... and i have the improv play tonight... so i want to be awake and alert for that :)

~~peaces

Well life has a funny way of sneaking up on you...

2007-04-08T19:59:00.000-04:00

Mood:indescribable
i don't know where to begin... and i don't know why i started posting when i don't really know what to say... haha ...

nothing too bad... mostly good... i think i'll elaborate once things become clearer...

for now, let's live on this little tidbit: my first full year of college is almost over... and i feel like it's just beginning... chew on that for a bit, and we'll discuss the flavor eventually...

~~

be so happy with the way that you are...

2007-03-23T19:22:00.000-04:00

Mood:happy
have you ever had those moments when you're just happy? you can just be sitting around or hanging out with a group of people and then just feel totally content and happy to be alive... i love having those moments, because although they might be fleeting, the feeling is good...

i went to a pleasure party last night as one of the RA's programs... it was interesting to say the very least...

i'm very excited that it has been nicer the past couple of days... i wore "the ruthie skirt" today... with leggings... which made it stick to my legs, but it's ok because i felt awesome!! i can't wait for it to be warm again so i can stop wearing the sweaters and bundling up against the frigid weather... yeah it's time for skirts...

oh, hey, my birthday's in 8 days! woo! 19 seems like a weird age... any advice?

~~

don't put the baby in the food box...

2007-03-15T01:33:00.000-04:00

Mood:content
so it's spring break... i'm enjoying sleeping in till noon every day, but i still have lots of homework to do... effing work... bah...

"Gypsy" was fantastic... the sets were amazing, the costumes were actually nice (ok, well at least they looked nice from the audience!), and the performers were wonderful... very well done :)

it was so weird being there, though... almost surreal... that was the first nrhs musical i'd watched since i was in 8th grade when i went to see "kiss me, kate"... i'm such a drama queen, if i'd seen me on friday, i would have punched me in the face! i walked in as everyone was headed to the tech room and i got all choked up and almost started to cry... and i did it on saturday, too, when my mom and i were in the band room before the show... it wasn't my place to cry any more...

but then again, it was so crazy seeing all the people i had watched on stage since they were freshmen: ashley, john, edwin, brian, krista... i'm sorry if i've sounded patronizing to anyone haha it's kind of pretentious to say "i've watched you grow up", when you're only a year younger than me...

but i think friends are allowed to be proud of their friends... i love seeing my friends accomplish good things, like stuff with drama or placement in the top 20, getting into college... i think it's important for friends to be supportive of their friends and to be happy for their accomplishments...

yay! go friends!

as for the post title, this is a picture of the label inside the box i keep my provisions in at school. it reminds me not to put babies in the box.

i miss one kind and am sick of the other...

2007-03-07T16:35:00.000-05:00

Mood:tired.
oh goodness.

that has been my away message quite frequently lately... it's just about the only thing i can say at this point...

i love how drama circles around me... i feel like i rarely cause drama, i just hear about it... and i wish i could be more apathetic about these situations, but that's not in my nature... i am a person who feels things full-on... i don't think that's always a good thing... some people like to keep their drama in their own personal sphere... but here at manhattanville at least, it's hard to keep drama in that bubble...

whatevs, i'm pretty much done...

spring break starts friday for me :) my mom is coming to get me (or rescue me i guess haha) around 4:30, after my french class... i'm so excited to go home and see mom and dad and joey and mimi... my mom said we can have steak one night and that makes me happy... i have hankering for a really good steak... i don't know why...

so friday, i am going to help backstage at the show at north rockland... i'll get to watch it on saturday... i am SO excited to see everyone in the show... i hear it's another great NRHS Drama Society production, but i never doubted that would be the case :)

ok... so... keep breathing... friday will be here soon...

thank goodness.

let's talk about this, shall we? "design for murder" was the start of my friendships with some pretty awesome people... as a matter of fact, it was the reason why i started this blog!... so let's look at this photo and remember the old days:

that's all i've ever been...

2007-03-01T11:27:00.000-05:00

Mood:meh
yes, i feel like a sound effect... it happens...

this is going to be a quick post, since i have class soon... i have an overnighter coming to stay tonight to saturday, and another one coming tomorrow... should be interesting to see things come kind of full circle...

have you ever heard a song and thought "wow, that is SO what i am dealing with right now!"?... it's a strange feeling, but it's kind of awesome...

that didn't make much sense, but hey that's how i roll

today's been a weird week... i went home over the weekend and dealt with being sick, went to the doctor on sunday and then came back to school monday afternoon... the rest of the week's been weird, i feel like i missed so much... but i didn't miss a whole lot, except going to long island with katie :( but that's ok, we have three more years at least...

so now i'm on antibiotics for a sinus infection... i've had to wake up at 8AM to take my pill which has been kind of a bitch, because i just want to go back to sleep, but i can't... i've been having trouble staying asleep lately... i've noticed that i've been tossing and turning a lot more... i don't know why...

so, i'm having mixed feelings about the end of my freshman year... am i happy that it's over? that i survived it? that i get to go home and be with my friends there? i know i'll miss certain things and people at school, but i'm really anxious to kind of revert and see the old crowd again...

so my new favorite songs are "god rests in reason" by jason mraz and "you don't know me" by michael buble and "night drive" by jimmy eat world

don't go there...

2007-02-16T23:56:00.000-05:00

EDIT: i fixed the numbering
Mood: irritated
Ruthie's Pet Peeves (in no particular order):

1) when people have gross eating habits: it's rude. i don't want to watch or hear you masticate. and we have these wonderful things called napkins that we use to wipe our fingers. smaking each one of them in your mouth is disgusting and unhygenic.

2) when people try to convince me to do something i don't want to do: if i say "no", i mean "no". don't try to make me do something or watch something i don't want to. you can sit there and say "come on, just watch this" until you're blue in the fucking face, but i won't do it

3) when people make really horrible jokes: i'm talking, really not p.c., hardcore racist, homophobic, anti-semetic, or misoginist "jokes". i'll sit there while you laugh it up, but inside i am losing so much respect for you.

4) when people play dumb: it just makes you look like a dick. cut the shit, we all know you know what you're doing

5) patronizing: don't do it.

6) when i get jagged fingernails: oh boy do i hate that. they'll pull sweaters and shirts and make that icky dragging sensation on my pillow and really do a number on my leg if i itch it. hate that

7) when my hair gets fuzzy: if the curl doesn't happen in the back, i've failed and don't feel attractive

8) when people send mixed messages: stop wasting your time, my time, her time, his time... it's just not worth it and you're going to end up looking like an asshole when everyone finds you out

9) one-upping: okay, if i was doing this in order and not as they came to mind, one-upping would be very high on the list. if you don't know what this is, it's when you're talking to someone, telling them about something, anything really, and the person tells you about his/her experience with the same thing or something very similar and tries to make it seem that he/she has the better (or worse, as the case may be) experience. don't do that. we have our own experiences with everything. i don't see green the same way you see green. my experiences at funerals don't compare to your's because we had different things going on. your experience in your high school drama club was nothing like mine was, and your explaining to me how amazing your club was and how much you loved it will never make me think you had the better experience, so please don't try to "convince" me of anything like that. our high school drama society was amazing and i loved it very very much. i will not like your's better. ever. stop trying to on-up me... this also applies to situations where people try and tell you they like something more than you.

10) when people try to talk about something about which they really don't have much knowledge: oh god i hate this, too. with anything. even if i might be wrong, i hate it when a person will try to tell me all about the subject. and when i know i'm right, seriously, fuck off. you don't know what you're talking about and i'm getting irritated

11) various bathroom habits: i.e. -not wearing shoes into the bathroom, -talking on your phone while sitting on the toilet, -sitting in the stall right next to me when you know damn well there are clean, open ones at the other end of the room, -not flushing: what the fuck is wrong with you?! it doesn't take much effort!, -not washing your hands after you go: i know guys don't always do this, but i don't have patience to go there right now. ladies, you wipe, you wash.

12) when people don't let you get a word in: shut up. i have something to say, too. a conversation goes two ways

this list doesn't apply to most of my friends... i think if you're reading this, you're not applicable to anything here... if you were, i wouldn't have posted it... meaning, i'm kind of irritated at the people here at school... all my closest friends are gone for most of the weekend, which is cool... i guess i need to experience some detachment... i just hate feeling alone... i've been there and i don't like it at all...

sorry for the angry post... i needed a place to vent and knew you'd understand

little more than a glance is enough to show you just how small you are...

2007-02-13T17:06:00.000-05:00

Mood: okie dokie so, there's been a recent discussion going on about the regular blog circle (a.k.a. this one, ask madden, and xmas music in april...) about looking back at old posts in the archives of our respective blogs... i've done a little snooping and looked into my own archived posts... i have to say, thing have really changed...

i feel like now the blog isn't about my daily acounts, but rather about random insights or musings... i kind of miss being able to talk about my day... now it wouldn't make sense because nobody knows who any of my professors are... meh, i'll recap some day...

i had fun this past weekend... liz came to the ville and we hung out with my new friends... it's a strange experience introducing your old friends to your new ones... will your old friends approve? will your new one's accept? will the new ones offend the old ones? luckily nothing too insane happened on friday/saturday morning... and then saturday night happened, and well... let's just say what happens at ashley's stays at ashley's... all in good fun, all in good fun...

it's supposed to snow a lot tonight into tomorrow... i am very excited about this because i enjoy snow... and because all this talk about global warming makes me want snow oh-so-badly... however, both my roommate, tricia, and my neighbor katie are both traveling in the next few days... tricia's flying to san francisco and katie is going to binghamton via bus... both are going to see their men... now, as much as i want a major snowstorm, being the true romantic that i am, i am hoping that both my friends' travel plans don't get screwed up by the weather... it's valentine's week and i'm feeling generous...

ok that's a lie... the feeling generous because it is valentine's week part... i have cards and stuff to give to my peeps, but i really am not feeling the lovey spirit this year... i kind of hate valentine's day... whatevs...

bring on the snow... then the weather will be like my heart! ::emo tears::

reader response...

2007-02-07T15:04:00.000-05:00

Mood:contemplative
i went to a lecture today given by Saeb Erakat, a Parliament Official of Palestine and father of one of my classmates... he discussed the situation in Palestine and Israel and how there are many negotiations and such going on over there... a lot was said and i don't feel like recalling the entire lecture here, but it was very very cool...

going to see Mr. Erakat speak made me realise how lucky i am to be going to school at manhattanville college... for such a small school, we have so many different people here... when i think of all the people i have encountered thus far, i have to sit back in astonishment... i have met people from the philippines (ok, well, i live with her haha), belgium, the dominican republic, israel, palestine, ecuador, canada, lithuania, ethiopia... and also, the number of people from different states is pretty awesome too: new jersey, california, idaho, texas, hawaii, alaska, maine, massachusetts, connecticut, pennsylvania, new mexico, virginia, delaware, florida, north carolina, vermont, and long island (har har har- it might was well be it's own state!)... it blows my mind...

ok adam suggested that all the harry potter fans post one way the series "affected your life, and your favorite moment in the series, and no ties, one moment"...

here's my answers: the series has allowed me to maintain my sense of imagination as i have grown up... my favorite moment in the series was in the third book, prisoner of azkanan, when sirius told harry that someday harry might be able to live with him... i know it's sad now, but that sense of hope harry felt that things might be alright someday was so moving... there are a lot more, but we decided only one...

so what's your favorite? and how has the series affected your life?

also, can we talk about this?:

and this?:

the end is near... well, as near as July 21st is from now...

2007-02-03T19:41:00.000-05:00

Mood:comfortable
i cannot think about the next/last installment of Harry Potter... my mom asked me how i felt about the upcoming book being the last one... i told her it was going to be the end of my childhood... but i can't spend too much time thinking about who's going to die or why the fact that harry's eyes being like his mother's is so important, or what's going to happen when harry turns 17 and is no longer protected, or what the deal is with aunt petunia dursley... i can't... it makes me nutty...

seriously though, how much has Harry Potter affected my youth? all of our youths?... didn't a bunch of us spend most of that "welcome back from down under" party at my house talking about the 6th one? my friend and i used to be pen pals and write about harry potter...

now, i've read a fairly large amount of books in my life, and have many favorites, including harry potter (sick of italics, sorry)... but no other book, or series of books has enthralled me as greatly as j.k. rowling's wonderful stories... honestly, babysitters club has got nothing on potter... did claudia ever turn that candy she kept hidden all over her room into anything other than body fat? something like teacups or frogs? no... she just kept candy hidden in her room because her mom didn't want her to have junk food... harry potter didn't have parents around to tell him he couldn't have junk food... selfish bitch...

i sent the weekend at home for the first time since going back to school... it's been nice... i got some new shirts and other items, and i'll be restocking my food supply so i won't waste my pub cash... but i really am enjoying school now that i have friends... they're really an awesome bunch... nothing compares to what i've got here at home, i know, but what i've got there is pretty flipping sweet...

anyone else not looking forward to valentine's day?

A lolipop is hard candy plus garbage...

2007-01-28T18:09:00.000-05:00

Mood:content
i hate when people make jokes about oprah that have nothing to do with her show... oprah does not walk about her studio with a mic in hand, among the audience members... no, no... oprah sits on her stage with her guests and chats with them there... she does not run a show like ricki lake or jerry springer... it really grinds my gears when people say things about the oprah show that are misguided... jokes are better when researched... i think jokes are better when there is some knowlege of the actual person or thing beforehand...

that was an entry based on an idea i had... there was no real reason for it... just some food for thought

she'd be a whole lot prettier if she smiled once in a while...

2007-01-21T23:44:00.000-05:00

Mood:content
for the first time in a long time i feel content... granted i didn't do all that well on my homework as i should have... i could have put some effort into it at least...

anyway, it's good to have friends and know that people like you... it is... i do not belive in the whole "i don't care what anyone else thinks of me" mentality... at least not for me... it's not that i don't care what people think of me, i just like being wanted and liked...

so that department is going well so far... i've only had one week of classes, so i can't really rave about anything just yet... but again, so far so good... i'm excited and scared about my writing seminar, which is on contemporary theater... we're eventually going to be writing our own ten-minute plays... it should be fun to do some theater work again... i've missed it... especially since my mom was talking about drama (and how she's going to be onstage this year haha) and seeing the pictures from past shows nick put up on facebook... it made me all nostalgic...

i don't really have anything clever to discuss... i'll come up with something eventually...

no wait, if you haven't seen this yet, enjoy... i want to see it now:
~~

let your hair down and let yourself go...

2007-01-12T17:56:00.000-05:00

Mood:ready... not.
i'm sitting on the floor in my bedroom at home at the makeshift computer desk i have fashioned for myself out of three years' worth of north rockland yearbooks and the crayola color explosion i got from my secret santa... in 2 days i will be going back to my desk at school... which i am looking forward to... but i'll really miss all the wonderful people here at home... i wish i would pack you with my stuff and keep you in the storage space above my closet... that would be a little cramped, and that cabinet gets drafty, but i would make it homey for you... i have soup at hand... you would not starve...

this break has helped me realise a few things: first, i have the most amazing friends anyone could ever ask for. second, i appreciate my bathroom at home so much more. third, i loved high school and could easily fall back into that routine... if i could go back in time and re-live it, i think i would... tweak a few things, and skip some others, but i would do it...

a fourth thing i've realised: i like being older and wiser... fifth: i like talking about college and telling people about how my shcool works... and i like talking with other college students about their respective schools, noting to myself how much i really like my school... sixth: i like living with another person if only for cleaning purposes... at school i understand that my room is also tricia's room and that i can't just throw my clothes and shit all over the place... seventh: i love john mayer, the fray, and jason mraz... their music makes me happy in the pants...

i don't know how many people still read this... i know life is busy... and i appreciate feedback as always...

this semester, i want people to visit me... it's not that far from home... i can have 2 people visit per week (every 7 days)... we could go see a show or something... if you want to come, please let me know... weekends can be fun at manhattanville, i swear

my mom just came into my room and said, to my back, "this better not be hanging around in the living room", and tossed this month's victoria's secret catalogue on my bed... funny?

love and all that jazz

~~

YOU'RE ADDICTED TO PORN AND IT'S RUINING OUR RELATIONSHIP!!

2007-01-03T23:23:00.000-05:00

Mood: sleepy
if that's not a real "emotion", i don't care, deal with it!

i'm trying to be more assertive... was that good?

john mayer's "continuum" is his best album... by far... i love all of the songs... "slow dancing in a burning room" is the kind of song that makes me want to break up with someone... the music and lyrics are so well fit... i don't know if that makes sense... but it goes back to something adam wrote about back in the day over on the boy blog... is it the music or the lyrics that make a song good... it's hard to say... i always appreciate good lyrics, but i find that most of my favorite songs share a common sound...

i guess it's here that i should thank mark for providing the post's title... jerk ;-P...

i would like to go out and do some lingerie shopping...

good night all

my favorite game:cleave heave

::insert crazy noises here::

2006-12-31T13:16:00.000-05:00

Mood:happy
so much happened this year... it's so hard to believe that this time last year i was so angry at new paltz and north rockland for messing up my transcripts, and i was freaking out about my interview at manhattanville... this time last year, i wasn't yet accepted to manhattanville college... and i didn't even want to go there!! now i can't wait to go back! it was certainly a year of changes and loss of several kinds, there's no denying that a lot of emotionally difficult events occurred in 2006... i personally keep coming back to the phrase "schisms" when i look back on this year... there were a lot of them, and if you were to really give it some thought, you could come up with some memorable schisms from 2006...

ANYWAY, i was thinking about really committing to a new year's resolution, or resolutionS... here are some thoughts: *go to the gym at mville at least twice a week, building up the routine every time, *stop being paranoid, *be wise about my pub cash, but have it spent by the end of the semester, *wear my contacts more often, *get dressed for class, *be more spiritual, *read more for leisure...

anyone else have resolutions? ((this is called my way of getting you to comment again))

as for tonight, new year's eve: have fun, be safe, and remember all the good things that came out of this year, too

this used to be my bus number...

2006-12-24T00:48:00.000-05:00

Mood:festive!
so this is post #244, which, way back in the day, was my bus number... and then it was 240... and then i didn't take the bus and went to before- and after-school programs... it's funny what you remember

i guess it's christmas eve right now... sooo merry christmas to all who celebrate... i also hope our hanukkah/chanukah celebrators had a festive holiday as well... oh, i've been thinking about this a lot: how does one decide how they want to spell that? if anyone can explain that, i would be most interested!

um, yeah so what is with this weather? warmth? nonononono, it's december... it should be cold... frigging global warming... el nino... kiss my big toe... go get cold, earth... wut da her?!

can i just say how wonderful it was to see some of my favorite people at valerie's party on friday? well, yes, i can, after all it is my blog... but seriously, i was delightfully surprised to see the boys there (although, they were hardly "boys" at this shindig... vincent was the oldest one there, until steve showed up!)... i really miss you crazy cats!!! seeing you guys made me remember that there are still good guys out there and i feel so lucky to be friends with some of the best :) ... AWWWWW MUSHY MOMENT!!!! but it's all honest

ok, i should go to sleep... i watched my favorite christmas movie tonight... that would be "white christmas" starring bing crosby and rosemary clooney... i highly recommend it... bing reminds me of my grandpa...

so even though it feels like the tropics, i am still dreaming of a white christmas... i love you all, i hope you know!!!

he was tall, sick, and fabulous...

2006-12-16T01:09:00.000-05:00

Mood:weird
i don't know how, but i am feeling an emotion i never thought i would have felt today of all days... let me explain:

if you had asked me about a month and a half ago how i would feel on the last day of my first semester in college, especially had you said "at manhattanville", i would have probably started crying and told you i'd be happy as hell... but now that that day has come and gone, i feel very odd...

i actually miss being there, hanging around spellman... this time last night, i was... well, actually last night was weird, i was in bed at 11:30 because i was so exhausted... but typically i would be hanging out with people... or eating... maybe even both...

i think i feel so funny about leaving for break because i just made so many new friends... i was adopted by a group of some very cool people... i truly enjoy their company!!! and now to have to leave that for a month is kind of hard to swallow...

i guess what i'm saying is: manhattanville, m-ville, or simply, the 'ville, has really grown on me... finally... it took so long... but it really took me a while to be comfortable with myself again... i remember how long it took in high school... i'm still not 100% with everything at mville, but i'm getting there...

i took pictures of the sunset as seen from my dorm room... i made one of them the background on my desktop... this is what it looks like:

i think i'll be keeping it there for a bit longer...

~~

ps- title reference is clay aiken... saw his christmas concert tonight... i'll write about it eventually... in the meantime, how the hell is everyone??

a year in review...

2006-12-08T15:37:00.000-05:00

Mood:freezing!!!!
i did this last year, too... maybe i should have done it later in the month... but i only need the first sentence of the first post... ok here goes: the first sentence/phrase of the first post of each month this year... 2006: A Year in the Life of Ruthie:

January: a new year... 2006... this will be one monumentous year... i will get into college (if i get my crap together!!), become a legal adult, take my last AP exams, go to prom, graduate, finally become a real full-fledged counselor at CAB, and go off to college...

February: my new fave class is astronomy...

March: totally going to love swing dancing!

April:!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!IT'S MY BIRTHDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

May: never have to take an AP test ever again!!!!!!!!!

June: i just don't have the energy to post anymore... sorry... but stuff's up, so i felt like posting

July: so last nigt i went to the fireworks at bowline... it was pretty sweet...

August: today was warm... like really really warm... we had the girls sit and drink water a lot... i think i melted a little bit... meh...

September: soo... i'm at home for the weekend...

October: i was contemplating changing my template for this blog... there was a cool looking one i found, but i'm afraid it will cause me to lose my links and comments, so i kind of don't want to change... plus i'm still in that "i don't want things to change" mentality...

November: what a crazy night... lots of drunk people... lots of mischief... but it was fun...

December: somebody needs to stop me from eating these amazing, melt-in-your-mouth peppermints...

so... it was quite a year... it's hard to believe that about seven months ago i was still in high school... and almost a year ago i wasn't even accepted into college yet! i've done so much this year... it's so surprising... honestly, there were so many changes that happened... i feel like i've grown so much, maybe not "up", but just in terms of branching out... and i've risked a lot, too... i feel like i've put myself out there and that's why things are going well now... just going for it even when i was so afraid was very worth it...

i feel like the past two months have been especially great... i'm feeling more confident and more like myself again... i'm really thankful for all parties involved in helping me get there... even if you don't know that it might be you, it probably is... and you are wonderful...

i opened my blinds just now to let the orange of the sunset into the room... you should come here and see the view of the sunset from my room sometime... i can almost see the city...
~~

in the wee small hours of the morning...

2006-12-02T17:35:00.000-05:00

Mood:sleepytired
somebody needs to stop me from eating these amazing, melt-in-your-mouth peppermints... they are so tasty, but they are all sugar and probably not very good for my teeth...

this week has been like my first week of very little sleep here in college... i know everybody does it and i've had some nights of little sleep before, but this week has been slathered in that gooey no-sleep silliness...

tuesday i went home for my flu shot and doctor's appointment where i found out that i'm not lactose intolerant, but i should probably stay away from tons and tons of dairy... anyway, i stayed at mi casa that night, was up reading and shit until like 1:30 or 2 maybe? and then my dad drove me back to manhattanville, where i returned at 7:30 AM... so i went to sleep for about 3 hours until i had to go to my french class... tuesday night was spent doing work probably until about 1:30...

wednesday night... i don't really remember a lot of wednesday night... i know i did a lot of work on my two big papers throughout the day, then went to the tree planting/decorating at about 8... then... i worked on my preceptorial and psychology papers until about 3:45AM... that was the closest i've had to pulling an all-nighter... thursday night i don't remember...

and then friday, last night... winter formal... it was nice, people got dressed up... we went to the castle around 10:30 and had some finger foods and did some dancing... wasn't too special... but afterwords, long story short, i went to the diner at 4AM with about 6 other people... we packed into a car... i had to lay across the guys in the backseat... it was amusing...

we came back from the diner and hung out in spellman lounge for about an hour...

i went to bed at 6:40 AM

i took a nap and plan on playing manhunt at midnight with my new friends...

good times.

dear winter break: please hurry...

2006-11-26T20:10:00.000-05:00

Mood:stressed/giddy
came back from thanksgiving break today... what a crazy time... massachusetts was nice... my cousin tim surprised everyone by showing up on thanksgiving at his nana's house... we had all been talking about how sad it was that he would be spending thanksgiving in oklahoma being an army guy... but then he showed up at my aunt's house and it was so exciting... i'm not making much sense, but that's because i wanted to post/procrastinate my impending assignments even further... nbfguviwngbeinfonhivubhi

i have tons of stuff to do...

this whole non-dairy thing seems to be working... i'm hoping i'm not lactose intolderant... seriously, folks, this could be very very bad... depressing... i can't live like this much longer, and neither can anyone else who might happen to be doing the non-dairy thing!! i have another appointment with the doctor on tuesday, so hopefully the test results will be in by then...

i have to go do this work now...

19 days until winter break!!!!

~~

good thing turkeys arent made of milk...

2006-11-21T00:28:00.000-05:00

Mood:home-y
so... i'm home a day early... because today i felt sick enough to miss a class... so my mom came to get me... and i went to the doctor... and i had three vials of blood drawn... it was crazy...

and here's the kicker: i was told to strictly cut out dairy from my diet for the next several days... this includes thanksgiving, you guys, probably my favorite holiday... i love dairy... i really do... no dairy means no mashed potatoes, no pumpkin pie, none of aunt cassie's carrot cake, no butter... wut duh herr?!

all i want right now is a huge vat of ice cream...

and i don't think we're leaving until thursday morning now...

gobble gobble indeed

~~

title credit goes to dave... who doesn't suck

i close my eyes, what a beautiful sight...

2006-11-19T18:26:00.000-05:00

Mood:comfortable
as i was on my way back to school tonight and it was already dark out... it was only about 5:00 but it was dark...

anyway, i was looking out the window (an easy thing for a perpetual passenger to do) as we passed by the pond near the little league fields in stony point... i just noticed how the streetlights were reflected on the water... it was just so lovely... and it made me want to write a post listing the things i think are so simple, but so beautiful... not all of them are visual, some are auditory, i guess... i'm just in one of those moods...

*lights reflected on a pond or river *the stars on a cold, clear night *slow ella fitzgerald songs *bright yellow leaves against a bright blue sky *fall foliage reflected on the still surface of a pond or lake *simple piano-and-voice songs *"misty" by ella fitzgerald *a simple bouquet of flowers *the dress i bought on a whim one day at marshalls just waiting to be worn *the castle here at manhattanville at dusk *"europe" by matt caplan *slow acoustic songs

i'm on another jazz kick... swingy stuff, cole porter stuff, ella... it's just the season i think... this music makes me think of cold and snow... it's nice... i can't wait for it to snow... if only to see the look on my roommate's face :)

thank goodness it's almost thanksgiving! haha i go home on tuesday!

~~

aches and pains...

2006-11-17T21:15:00.000-05:00

Mood:hurty
so basically my stomach and i have been fighint for about a week and a half... right now my tummy's winning, but i'm pretty sure i'll get the upper hand soon... i'm doing pretty well in my poke wars (one in particular *ahem*)... so i think i can poke this bug/virus/illness out soon... gar

i missed my dentist appointment today... traffic was horrible... i'm going to have to go tomorrow instead, so i'll be going back to school on sunday... which kind of stinks b/c i wanted to go to the hockey game tomorrow night!! our team's so good!

life's still good, other than me and my stupid tummyaches... i'm happy and doing well in classes... i also chose my classes for next semester: advanced writing seminar: contemporary theater; claculus II (i think i'm going to die); world religions: the problem of god; french conversation; preceptorial part 2... it should be a busy spring, but i'm looking forward to it...

i'm also really looking forward to winter break... it'll be so awesome to see my friends and visit the old stomping grounds... i can't wait... just getting together with some really awesome people... catching up on my movies... and re-learning calculus... nviovntuignarbjavnsk

soo... over the past month, i have started having more fun at college, even though sometimes i feel like i'm on the wrong side of the friendship window... meh... at least i've come to find out recently that i don't suck... this is a very good thing...

i'm going to find something to eat... something that won't make me sickies again... i need to get better asap... doctor's orders...

~~

come back to bed...

2006-11-11T22:02:00.000-05:00

Mood:content.
i am posting this from my bed at home... sometimes it's nice to take a break from the norm and write a blog on your bed... i think i'll enjoy this...

i've been feeling really spiffy lately... it's a combination of hanging out with more people, putting myself out there, talking to new people, and just enjoying the ride... i took a recent risk recently and not only am i proud of myself for doing it, i feel darn good about it... it feels very very good... and i am very happy...

i just got cast in an improv show at school... it's about Relationships and is so titled... they made an anogram (?) with the word "relationship" and there will be a skit to go along with every word... i was cast in the "Abortion" skit... i have a bunch of ideas on what to do already... the show is planned for february...

i'm also planning on trying out for "the complete works of william shakespeare (abridged)" and "the rocky horror picture show", both of which will be put on next semester through the players guild... which i am glad i joined... i'm not sure whether i'll be able to do any theatre classes next semester, but i'll try to be involved with as many theatre projects as possible...

it shall be good for my soul.

i watched "american history x" tonight with my brother... what an intense film... if you haven't seen it, you might want to think about doing that...

yesterday, friday, i had a very relaxing day... i had classes from 9:20 to 12 and then i came back to my room, went for a stroll around campus with my neighbor and fellow gangsta, katie, and we got chicken finger sangwiches from the pub... then i started a facebook group about these sangwiches, which was awesome... at last check, there were 55 people in my group... including my RD... rad...

after making the coolest group ever, i cleaned my room, including using q-tips and fantastick on the sink and medicine cabinet... i cleaned my desk... then i watched "seven brides for seven brothers", which is a classic musical while i chatted with mark on AIM... then my friends and i decided to go to a soccer party, and i talked on the phone while i was getting ready... the party was definately not a party, so we left and katie and i made a microwave cake, which was tasty, but could have used some ice cream... preferably vanilla (FACE!)... then i talked online and went to bed... and lauren came in and we talked for a while, and i finally went to sleep at 3AM...

i know that was a lot of detail, but it was a day worth remembering...

i wish i could have posted this at 11:11 on 11/11... that would have been fabulous...

right now i agree, jason mraz: life is wonderful.

~~

You make me smile with my heart...

2006-11-06T12:37:00.000-05:00

Mood:pretty darn good
i'm just sleepy! two days in a row this week i've gone to bed a little after 4AM... it was quite a weekend :-P

so basically, i went home on friday for the play at north rockland... and it was very good! seriously, i was expecting a complete mess after talking to different people... you guys have to learn to give yourselves more credit!! it was really good!! i can't wait to see the musical :)

so after the show, a bunch of us went back to lizmo's house to have a pseudo-cast party because they didn't have an official one that night... frigging SATs... anyway, so we hung out there for a while and then some of us went to see "Borat", which was funny... we had shit seats... but there was no room, since it was opening night... we saw the 12:25 show and then we went to the diner after and i got back home at 4AM... which didn't really fly...

and then saturday i went to new paltz with toni and liz... it was a fun time... got to meet liz's friends, went to a cute coffee place, made a call, went to dinner at the guilded otter, and watched "brokeback"... we went to bed a little after 4... so we came back to stony point around 2... and i went back to school at 6...

yup, it was quite a weekend... had some fun, made some friends...

i can't believe it's already november... why does time fly so fast!?

happy halloween... about an hour late...

2006-11-01T01:17:00.000-05:00

Mood:geeky
what a crazy night... lots of drunk people... lots of mischief... but it was fun...

(that's me on the left and my roomie on the right :-P )

~~

i'll light the night with fire and run away...

2006-10-30T15:21:00.000-05:00

Mood:groovy
this whole "being in a good mood" thing is very nice... it's a good thing... i watched Martha Stewart the other day...

oh! i found a place that has the food network on campus!! the freaking game room! they have direTV there so they get the food network... i almost cried the other day when i went with katie to see some people... you don't realise how much you miss something until you see it again after a while...

speaking of something that i haven't seen in a while- how is everyone? i'm going to the straight play on friday night and i'll be crashing the cast party with some awesome cohorts... should be fun-tastic!

tomorrow is halloween... it's apparently a huge deal here... 200 Nights is one of the biggest celebrations on campus... 200 nights left for the seniors... party in the castle...

but first comes the Murder Mystery!!!! which i am in... it's like one of those "whodunit" dinners... it should be pretty funny... i'm supposed to act like dorothy of "wizard of oz" fame... we've had maybe 2 practices, and one more is coming tonight, soooo yeah i hope this comes out well... i'm excited to be involved in some kind of theatre thing again... next semester i want to take some drama classes... i pray to god they're not all filled by the time i register!!!

i was trying to think of something to make people comment... clearly the cardboard cutout thing wasn't interesting enough although i commend sirs turner and yudman for their input...

so here's my next topic: does anyone else have a "rubby stone"? i've had this rock for years... i like to rub it when i'm stressed... i used to take it to tests with me so i could have something to calm my nerves during the test... anyone else have something like this?

that's all i got for now... if i don't post before: HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!

~~

soften a bit until we all just get along...

2006-10-26T11:04:00.000-04:00

Mood:content
yes. i feel pretty darn good right now... it's been a good week thus far... had some fun adventures and made some new friends :) ruthie is ok and this is good... amen...

don't you love it when you're playing iTunes on shuffle and you get a long string of good songs?! i love that... mraz makes me happy... i need more of him, too, so if anyone wants to share, that would be much appreciated!

speaking of the man, his last journal entry was pretty funny... if you haven't discovered jason mraz's journal, go there now and read some... the one about everything being "awesome" is a good one... but his most recent one made me smile and ponder... here's something for you to think about:

If I WERE a Cardboard Cutout… …I’d run for President with Flat Stanley on my ticket, and then I’d be gay and marry Flat Stanley to help tear down outrageous marriage laws. …I’d slide under the door of the girl’s locker rooms to remind them to conserve water while brushing their teeth. …I could probably read the newspaper without ever opening it. …I’d be curious as to how I was going to handle elimination. …I would no longer attend Yoga class. Instead, I would go to origami class. …My wardrobe would probably include cardboard sleeves from Starbucks. …I’d probably sound like a balloon or blade of grass when I sang. …Rather than burial or cremation, I’d be recycled. What would you do?

and that's what i'm asking you all... what would you do if you were a cardboard cutout?

i would buy clothes from abercrombie, because that's the only way i'd fit into their apparel; sneak into that crowded elevator; i'd finally get a good photocopy of my hand!!; and i would eat many chocolate chip cookies because i would be a cardboard cutout... and cookies are delicious :)

go ahead! what would you do?

~~

ps- this is post #232... palendromes are fun!!

this is what i've turned to in times of depression...

2006-10-24T12:15:00.000-04:00

Mood:veggie
i find myself quoting this stuff randomly throughout the day...

has the moon lost her memory? she is smiling alone...

2006-10-19T20:30:00.000-04:00

Mood:better thanks
seriously thank you all for your advice... it's good to get a non-manhattanville perspective on things... and most of you who posted comments are older and wiser and have been in my position... it means more coming from you...

so i'm starting to feel better... it goes in cycles... i don't know... it's making me frustrated to feel awful one minute then awesome the next... but i'm really really trying!!

this is post #230 here at tiarafool.blogspot.com ... i feel proud when i reach milestone post numbers... hey! there's a joke that i could tell, but it's more of an auditory joke, so i'll just tell it to you when we meet agian... which will be soon...

we have a lot of squirrels on campus... i don't know if other schools have as many squirrels as we do here at the 'ville... i saw one a few weeks back, while i was in sociology... i looked out the window and saw this squirrel next to this tree... and the squirrel was jumping... like, hopping... it was very funny... i might have laughed out loud, but i don't remember...

ok i really don't have much more to say... anything exciting happen to anyone lately?

this is the best picture of kim jong il...

why can't i shake this funk?...

2006-10-16T16:20:00.000-04:00

Mood:mopey
alright. i don't know what more i can say about how i feel. i'm feeling lonely and confused and stressed... at times i feel content... i am able to feel happy here... but mostly when i'm around people...

i had a breakdown in front of my friend today... she came over to my room so we could go to the library cafe together, and i told her i was feeling weird and i started to explain and began to cry... like, really cry... i kind of want to do it some more... it's just been a perpetual feeling of shittiness for weeks... and i don't know how to shake it...

those of you who read this have been really supportive of me and have given me advice and it's helped... but now i'm at a weird point... i don't know how to feel about being here at school anymore...

i'm really thinking about changing my major to theatre... i haven't been involved with theatre at all here, except for the two times i've been to the players' guild thing... it's making me so sad not to be onstage doing something i know how to do... i think that being in the theatre program will make me happier...

but then there's the big thing: what the hell do you do with a theatre major besides act? maybe i could minor in it? i don't know... and here's the biggest thing of all: if i do decide to be more involved in theatre, i don't think manhattanville is the place for it.

so that's my quandry... i'm going to try and stick it out for the rest of the year... i have a lot of serious thinking to do during winter break... and i have to get my license... for real this time, no joke, no more kidding around... it has to happen for my options to be better suited to what i want and need...

i'm really sick of being so confused... i go through okay periods when i'm pretty good and then it'll drop like a rock and i'm depressed again... it feels awful to cry in front of my friends here... because i feel selfish ("everyone is homesick"), because i don't know them that well, and because i just want to be happy... it's not just this one-time short-term thing, guys... i have this gut feeling that i need to make a change to be happier...

my mom asked me if i would ever hurt myself... no. i would never do that, so anyone who is wondering the same thing: No. I may be sad and crying a lot, but I enjoy living too much.

could i be more emo?

i would really love it if someone came to visit me, and i'm going to try and make some visits to people, too...

i hope the neil berg people break their legs :)