easily distracted...

Mood:doubtful
hi. it's been a while, je sais, but I had a lot on my plate. actually there's a lot there right now, but I'm managing... and also i need a space to vent a little

I'm getting ready to graduate. and by "getting ready" i mean "totally ignoring/avoiding". is that normal? i want to resist this graduation more so than high school... maybe it's because i really like this life...

I was thinking about it today as i was traipsing across the quad to get to rehearsal... I stopped and looked at the castle under the 10pm stars and moon light and thought "I really don't want to stop living this life I'm living right now". don't get me wrong, I love being home with my family, but I'm living such a safe, structured "independent" life right now. i can do anything, but still feel like i have room for mistakes and surprises... in a few months that won't be the case at all.

I'll be back in my parents' house... does that mean i can't stay over at Paul's place (wherever that will be) when i want? will i have to ask permission to go out? I'm actually going to be an adult person living in my parents' home. obviously, it'll still be my home always, but how are things going to change for me as an adult child living at home? my brother does whatever he damn well pleases, and he's technically an "adult"... but I'll be a BA-holding 22-year-old person living as an adult with her parents.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing, but it's going to be different. also because it's going to feel like permanent summer break in that I'm not going to go back and see my friends... because there will be no going back... what?

wait, what?? really?? after living with people 24/7 for the past 4 academic years, i have to leave them? think about it, when you live at school, you spend your time with your friends every day all the time! we eat, sleep, study, and play with our friends all the time. how could you not feel bonded to the people with whom you went to college? shit, man... i don't want to say goodbye yet...

je ne serai jamais prête...